Wednesday, April 27, 2011

AI: Carole King Week

Carole King and Babyface.  Of course.  That makes total sense.

This will be my abbreviated thoughts on the subject at hand tonight.  And I won't be putting on their pictures.  If you don't know these people by name now then I don't know what to tell you.

"Oh No, Not My Baby"

  • No amount of decent, in tune singing and distracting plaid sport coat will get rid of that personality.  
"Where You Lead"
  • Who told her to pull some random guy out of the audience?  I hate that.  It's distracting.  The whole time I'm wondering "What is he going to do now?  Sit there?"  and "How long will he be she going to go back to him at some point?"  "Is that her brother or something?"  "Will she tell him when to leave or what?"   
  • I was so distracted by the dude I don't even know how she sang the song but the judges loved her voice cracking. Wha?
"I Feel the Earth Move"
  • Um yeah.... they're doin' it.
"You Got A Friend"
  • This was actually quite refreshing.  I was sooooo sick & tired of the same ole, same ole from him.  Babyface worked a miracle here.
"Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow"
  • Jimmy has a man crush on James.
  • I'm developing a bit of a regular crush on him myself.  He was so nice about Scotty and then gushed about his wife afterward... plus the singing & guitar playing.
  • This is where he differs from Adam Lambert.  AL could never have pulled something like this off.  
  • I loved this performance.  He might be my favorite at this moment.
"Up On the Roof"
  • Um yeah.... nothing is going on between these two adorable virgins.
  • Entertaining & edgy but so not my thing.  I would never turn this on in the car.  Never.  
  • I still like him but..... eh.
  • She is blossoming right before our very eyes!!  I think Casey is probably the cause.
  • I really liked this performance, minus the intense arm waving she had going on.
"I'm In For Something Good"
  • Two dudes should NEVER sing a duet together.  Especially if one of the dudes is Jacob.




Wednesday, April 20, 2011

AI: 21st Century

I must address that opening number from the cast offs.

::said in british accent like Simon::  What.  Was.  That?   Abysmal with a capital A.

Why did they feel the need to put us through that?  First of all, I had all but forgotten every single one of them.  Three of the girls I didn't even recognize, let alone remember their names.  And Paul.  Oh PAUL.  Wha?  The only words he even knew were "I wanna start a fight!" at the end.  The rest he just mumbled.  Off key.  Terrible.  

K, let's hop to it.  It's late.

Swingin' by LeAnn Rimes

Good: the low part.  His deep voice is a force to be reckoned with.  So glad they mocked the way he holds his mic, btw.

Bad Stuff:  The eyebrow waggling.  Why must he?  Stop it.  He's a 50 year old trapped in a 17 year old's body.

Whatever Stuff:  Yes, it was "safe" but if that's not the very word that describes country music then I don't know what is.  Country music panders to the lowest common denominator in this country.  Not to generalize here but I'm talking rednecks, back woods honkey tonks and white trash.   Ha!  I kid.  (not really tho)  What I'm saying is there are no unsafe country songs.  Try and name one.... see?  All safe.  It's what they do.

Uprising by Muse

Good: I may be a bit biased because I LOVE that song but song choice was huge here.  It fit him like the proverbial glove.  Very very cool performance.  I found myself smiling through the whole thing.

Bad Stuff:  That get up he was wearing seemed so out of place with his normal colored mouse-brown hair.

Whatever Stuff:  Were the marching band people really necessary?  ::shrugging shoulders::

Rolling In The Deep by Adele

Good:  I think this is the first night that I've thought to myself "She belongs here."  I really like how distinct and different her voice is while still being really good.  She is growing on me in a big way.  Loved her dress & hair too.

Bad Stuff:  I got nothin'.

Whatever Stuff: Are she & Casey really dating?  Someone send me a link.  I'm too lazy to google.

Dance With My Father by Luther Vandross

Good:  I got nothin'.

Bad Stuff: I have lots of "this explains things" jokes but I can't use them because I'd look like a jerk.  I have a sneaking suspicion that at least 50% of his "emotions" up there were fake.  He is the divaiest divafied diva to have ever graced the AI stage.  His tears were out of frustration because his ear piece wasn't playing the right thing...nothing to do with his Dad.

Whatever stuff:  Did he call everyone a "sweetie pie?"  He's lame.  And un-creative.

Harder to Breathe by Maroon 5

Good:  I rewound and watched and laughed my head off at the part where he slaps James and chases Scotty about 10 times.  That kid killlllls me.  He's so Jack Black-y, which I love.  Maybe he can find a less attractive partner and they can be the Tenacious E?  Loved what he did with the song.  Very cool.

Bad:  Kissing JLo.  C'mon Casey.  That was....weird.

Whatever stuff:  Casey is the guy who I look at and wonder what he's going to look like 5 years from now after being in "the biz" for a while.   Will he be all clean cut, chiseled and Hollywood-ized?  Or will he go all Nick Nolte/Marlon Brando?  Cuz there is no in between.  He will be changed.  We just don't know in what way.

Closer by Ne-Yo


Bad Stuff:  Oh my gosh.  No no no.  Bad bad bad.  Gross gross gross.  Was I the only one disgusted by how schmoozy and greasy he is with the ladies??  And then his facial expressions on stage?  And his "moves?"  Yuck.    And the judges didn't call him on any of it.  Tonight I missed Simon.  He would have had NONE of that.

Whatever Stuff:  I needed to take a shower after watching that.

Born to Fly by Sara Evans

Good:  Her hair looked good and that outfit was cute.

Bad Stuff:  Eh....she's so booooring.  Forgettable even.  The song was so-so.  I think she has zero personality too.  It could be an age thing but really, I just think she's boring.  She's lucky she has Stefano this week to take the fall for her.

Whatever Stuff:  Someone needed to have a little sit-down with that fiddler player and explain to him that this performance had nothing to do with him.  He practically elbowed poor Lauren out of the way.

Bottom Three:  Lauren, Stefano, Jacob (hoping people aren't all mushy over the dad dying thing)

Going home: STEFANO (easiest pick I've ever made)

Thursday, April 14, 2011

AI: Guest Blogger!

In an act of true heroism, my underbar SIL is filling in for me this week at the very last second.  I haven't been able to watch this week's AI yet, let alone mock it.  You people were probably dying for a fresh perspective anyway... well Chrissi delivers!

Thank you, Chrissi.  You are the wind beneath my wings. And I love Joe's inputs as well.  

 I didn't know I was going to be the guest blogger until after it was over, so it's going to be the take-away, not the in the moment details.  I would appreciate if Tiff would add the pictures, but please not the one of Jacob as the devil, since I wouldn't go that far. :)
 Might I first begin with a few notes about Pia.  There has been all sorts of buzz about changing the voting so that America votes and the judges make the final decision. Even Pia in an interview said she thought the judges should have some say.  Okay, that would be, in the voice of Antoine Dodson, "so dumb, for real."  It would ruin the show. They did have their say, like when they did a billion auditions and selected the top 24 and then 3 bonus people. Pia was pretty, she could sing, but if you didn't already know the song, you would have no idea what she was singing about.  She sang words, not stories or feelings. no connection.
You need to be quirky in someway to get a passionate voting fan-base, and she was just too boring.

Soooo, I will now discuss who I think has fans that will sit by the phone for two hours and hit redial.

Jacob: Loved that Jimmy what's-his-butt lectured him on not lecturing America. Jacob looked humbled... and then sang about his troubled waters. His voice. my goodness, that voice. that range. crazy incredible.  In my 9 yr old's words last week, "He's emotional."
He will not be in the bottom three this week, because his fans were so frightened by his close call that they will redial in all their holy southern glory.

Haley: Ridiculously dumb song. There are a total of three words, and three notes in the song. dumb. But that outfit was By Far her best ever. If I looked like her and could wear stuff like that, I totally would. She's been safe for two weeks, and her fans are not as passionate as they once were.  Joe think she has Pia's votes. I think Pia's peeps quit voting. Bottom Three

Casey: The judges did a standing-O because they wanted to trick America into thinking that was an awesome performance. He is a brilliant musician For Sure. He plays that base without even thinking about it, but the vocals This Week were lame. I think his fans love him as much or more than some of the other fans love their person, but I don't see Jazz people sitting by the phone for two hours. Still, safe.

Lauren: her worst performance. She's good, but I just don't see a star in her. not sure who's taking the time to vote for her, really. the country folks are voting for Scotty, I'd think.

James: Not his best. I think he's probably a favorite of many. I don't see the 40 somethings voting (Joe is a great example. He likes him a lot, but has not picked-up the phone once).
This is not meant to be rude AT ALL, but I'm sure the autistic kids will sit and vote for 2 hours.  He is to Autism and Turrets, as Jimmer is to Mormons.  I would sit and vote for Jimmer for two hours. In fact, I did. and I cheered and cried and wondered if he'd like me if we met. James is safe.

Scotty: Not his best, but his fans started calling yesterday.

Stefano: I thought, originally, that he had the David Archuleta girls, but Stefano is not adorable like I had thought.  He is not engaging like he wants to be. I don't know if you can learn to be engaging in a week; he's just cute and can sing.  Bottom Three

Paul: I still love him, Joe hates him. I think his fans will keep him safe tonight.

So Bottom: Stefano, Lauren, and Haley (Joe thinks Paul here, for the record)
Stefano goes home.

loves to you all!!! Chrissi

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

AI: Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Week

This should be good.  Let's get right to it....

Man In the Mirror by Michael Jackson

Oh no he di'int just try to guilt trip America into voting for him!!!  "If I'm in the bottom three this week, it won't be because I didn't sing'll be because America isn't ready to look at themselves in the mirror."  I hate you Jacob.  I love that song but I hate you.  I may go vote for everyone BUT you since that's as close to voting against you as I can get.  He's dead to me.

Piece of My Heart by Janis Joplin 

I liked it.  It showed her personality a little more and it suited her voice.  I don't really know what else to say.  I think her being a "contender" is probably an over-statement but she did well tonight.  I still don't think people click with her but who knows.

Have You Ever Seen the Rain? by CCR

Oh.  My.  Gosh.  I love the upright bass.  I love it.  It's the whole reason that one guy is my favorite in the Bare Naked Ladies.  It has to be done right though.  It has to seem like the person barely even knows it's there and yet their fingers just go go go.  Casey did it right.  Loved it.  Not to mention his little grunts and crooked mouth like he's up there telling a joke.  That boy is thoroughly enjoyable.

Natural Woman by Aretha Franklin

Christian Slater is a fan.  So that's good.  She is a great singer.  Really really good.   I will say, however, that Gwen Stefani's clothes did her no favors.  Everything is black except big poofy pockets right at her thighs?  No.  And she is not a fauxhawk type.  P!nk? Yes.  Gwen?  Yup.  Lauren?  No.  It was unsettling.  I like her dimples though (on her face).  

While My Guitar Gently Weeps by George Harrison

I'm calling this his "Tracks of my Tears" moment.  Sitting on a stool.  Guitar player by his side.  Textbook Adam Lambert.  I wonder when he'll have his "Born to Be Wild" moment.   And then his bird cage shoulder pads moment.  Eeek!  Let's keep him around a bit longer, ok?   He reminds me of my cousin Ben a little.  I know there are only a few of you who will get that but it needed to be said because I just figured it out.  If he ever sings "I Knew I Loved You" by Savage Garden I will FREAK.  OUT.

That's All Right, Mama by Elvis Presley

Those girls running up?  I told you he was the Southern Beiber.  I thought this performance was cute.  His Elvis Halloween costume was the cutest thing I've ever seen.  I kinda want one of my boys to develop an Elvis fascination.  They've seen Lilo & Stitch though and nothing has happened.  I'll figure something else out.  But I digress.... my only complaint with Scotty (other than the fact that I would NEVER buy one of his songs in the future) is how he holds that microphone.  The off-to-the-side-with-just-the-fingertips-on-the-one-hand thing?  Lame.  Someone needs to coach him on that. shoulda stepped in there rather than doing his math equations (Country + Rock = Country Rock).  

River Deep Mountain High by Tina Turner

It should be illegal for Gwen Stefani to make clothes.  Worst.  Outfit.  Ever.  Singing was good.  You can add more commentary on her in the comments if you have any.  I don't.

When A Man Loves A Woman by Percy Sledge

Ok, so here's how it's going to be with Stefano.  It'll be a roller coaster ride.  Some weeks he'll be cheesy and lame and other weeks he'll be pretty good and mostly tolerable.  Ok, it's more like a kiddie roller coaster but still, it's enough to keep us on our toes.  This week was pretty good and mostly tolerable.  He nailed that key change, didn't he?   Good week, Fano.  Let's see if it'll be enough.

Folsom Prison Blues by Johnny Cash

Well that was fun, wasn't it?  Somehow, though, the lyric "I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die" doesn't have quite the impact when those pearly whites are grinning at you but he can't help it.  He's fun. I liked it.

So, there you have it.   Here are my picks.  Please leave yours in the comments.

Bottom Three:  Haley, Lauren, Jacob (wishful thinking)

Going Home: Haley