Sunday, November 15, 2009

Infamous Wedgie Incident: Family History in the Making

So, it finally happened.   I don't want to say I saw this coming, but I will say I'm a bit surprised it hadn't happened already.

I got a call from the assistant principal at the boys' school (the one that's in charge of discipline....yeah).

::ring ring::

Me: ::seeing the school on the caller ID and thinking it was JBird asking to go to a friend's house as is usually the case when the school is calling::   Hello?

Assistant Principal (AP):   Yes, Mrs. Landerson?  Hello, um, we have TBone here in the office...

Me: Oh no...

AP: Yes, and there was an incident on the playground today during lunch recess.

Me: ::pinching the bridge of my nose while squeezing my eyes shut::  Uh-huh...

AP: Apparently TBone and another boy gave another boy a wedgie....::dramatic was such a bad wedgie that the boy's underwear ripped and his mother had to bring him a new pair & he is now quite sore.

(It must be noted here that the AP is extremely dry, monotone and devoid of any personality whatsoever.  It wasn't even a struggle for her to say wedgie with a straight face.  Another note: I hate the word "sore.")

Me: What?

AP: TBone will be spending the afternoon recess in here with me & I just wanted to let you know so you can talk to him and do whatever you think is appropriate there at  home.

Me:  Ok...well...thank you for telling to him.... and stuff....

It's not that Tbone is a mean kid.  He's not.  He's a really nice kid, actually.  Very charismatic & friendly.  He's just.... a little spazzy? A bit crazy?  And a little "doesn't know when to say when"-zy? But never malicious in his actions.  At least not that I was aware of. 

So I call Gty (who was out of town), I stew about it, I post it on know, all the usual things.  And then I'm ready for him when he gets off the bus.

TBone: Where's my DS?

Me: Gone.

TBone: What? Why?

Me: You know why.

TBone: Wha? Huh?....::face falls as he realizes what is going on:: Oh.... but I.... ::crying::

He then goes into this whole story about the kid he wedgied ("Austin") & why he did it. "Austin" had been picking on him, throwing his shoes over the fence, he was his "mortal enemy," etc.    I felt empathy.  I suggested that maybe instead of retaliating, he tell the playground monitor about it.  He was silent for a while.  Then....

TBone: Well...maybe it wasn't "Austin."

Me:  Um, WHAT?  Then who was it?

TBone: Maybe it was "John."

Me:  "John?"  Are you kidding me??  WHY????

(Note: "John" is the nicest kid ever.  Smallish.  Takes TaeKwonDo at the same place as TBone.  Is always like "Hey TBone!  What's up!  Hey TBone!  Hi TBone!" etc.  Not to mention his mom is an inactive member of our ward and his dad is not a member..... ugh.)

TBone then proceeds to tell me that a group of kids had been giving "John" wedgies every day this week and they said he (and the other boy) had to give "John" one if they wanted to play with them.

To say I was devastated would be an understatement.  I so wished the story of his "mortal enemy" was the truth.

How did my son come to the conclusion that it was fine to turn on his friend in order to fit in with a bunch of jerks?  Why did he feel joining in on this bullying of "John" was OK?  And why, oh why, did he need to give him such a bad wedgie that it ripped his unders and caused pain?

Luckily Gty flew in Friday night and we had a family meeting about bullying.  We are disappointed on so many levels here.   1) Don't bully...ever.  2) If you SEE someone getting bullied be strong enough to stand up & say that isn't right fhs!  3)  If anyone ever tells you that you need to be mean to another person in order to be their friend, that person is a jerk and you don't want them to be your friend anyway.

::huge, enormous, gigantic sigh::

So, he's grounded from all video gaming devices & TV until I leave town on Thursday (no need to punish Gty for this).   He seems genuinely sorry for what he did to "John" and he is definitely feeling the loss of his luxuries.    He's actually had to use his imagination for the past couple of days, if you can believe that.

I hope & pray I never write another blog post similar to this one.    Why am I thinking I won't get off this easy??


Jenny ESP said...

Oh man! Being a parent can be so stressful/embarrassing/ nightmarish. I don't know who I feel more sorry for, you or wedgie boy's mom. How will you face them at KungFu practice? What if his dad wants to beat up TBone, so he gives him dirty looks across the dojo? Time to quit.

jtibs said...

Working in a school all the time kinda helps you keep a straight face/tone with words like wedgie....although I still have to turn away and laugh when kids fart in class...or have their crack showing, or their fly down or something.

Sounds like wedgie boy needed to tattle a little sooner if he didn't want to be 'sore'.

Memzy said...

I know how my mom feels now when I tell her a "naughty" story about one of my kids and she has to cross her legs so as not to pee herself from the giggles.

It's always funnier when it's NOT your kid.

"KungFu practice"? Lollerz Jespy. Loll.Erz.

Hot Pants said...

Howie keeps giving himself wedgies. I thought it was harmless. I guess it's time to put an end to it.
Poor John. Maybe you should send him a sorry gift basket. Sounds like you at least owe him a new pair of undies.

Carol said...

Oh, the pain of it all. So, so sorry it happened --to John, to TBone and to you. Sounds like you're handling it very well little mommy. Go girl. This is good practice for when he has his first fender bender 'cuz he was showing off for his friends. (pretty sure TBone will not break the record of one of our children who had 4 accidents in one year-- 3 of which were getting out of the school parking lot).

Carol said...

p.s. Not Memzy

eekareek said...

Poor poor "John". He was just going to school and had no idea he was going to get the wedgie of a lifetime. I hope this isn't the beginning of a lifetime of wedgies and being shoved into lockers. Too sad.

Annalisa said...

Laughed and then almost bum is feeling "sore". Poor kid...happened all week...that is probably why he was sore. Does the inactive mom know it was Tanner?

ManicMandee said...

Well that was a sad post! Maybe he can buy John a card and some new undies and take it over? Or go to Johns house and let John (was it "john", I just forgot
?) give him a wedgie? :(

On a good note, I just saw your Wallgreens post right after this one. It made me feel all better :)

Annie said...

I laughed the I cried.

I got a call from the V.P. about my kid "butt flossing" with a girls sweat shirt. Does that count as bullying or sexual harrasment?

Landee said...

I don't know if the parents know it was TBone who did the ripping or not. Should I find this out? And if they do know what should I do about it? Give them a dozen roses with a card saying "Sorry my son made "John's" butt sore?" <---sounds soooo bad.

By way of update, TBone has been extremely bored all weekend and has subsequently been trying to get JBird to do all kinds of lame things with him (i.e. "battle" with Pokemon cards). JBird doesn't want to do that lame stuff & then TBone gets ticked.

Gty: Tbone, Jbird does NOT have to battle with you. Part of your punishment is the boredom. Jbird isn't the one who chose to cram another kid's underwear up his butt.

So yeah, it's been fun.

Annie... uh...sexual hara....wait, no...well, it depends on his intent I guess??

Kim said...

Right... letting him be ungrounded/unpunished as soon as you leave town.... cuz... right. I was already pulling for the first story before I read it... hoping that was the actual case and then I was gonna be all YOU GO T-Bone. However, the draw to feeling "a part of" is a strong one. Poor everyone. In good news the inactive Mom with the non member hubby is probably an addict of some sort and won't confront you about it cuz she isolates so that's cool.

StandsMom said...

Poor poor John. Too bad the teachers are so anti-tattling that crap like that happens and John probably kept telling them and they kept ignoring. For shame.

We currently have on our record: Pulled fire alarm, punched a kid in the nose, chased girls trying to kiss them, bit a girl on the arm, punched a girl on the arm and countless calls from the office for a dry pair of pants.

Holy cow. Now I'm depressed. See how good you've got it? My George probably has a really thick student file.

With a red flag on it.

And some highlighted, in bold and italics writing on the front.

colleen said...

Ah, Landee. Funny and sad all at the same time. The VP being able to say wedgie with a straight face being the funniest part. So far all we have on record are stolen Bakugans in the classroom... as in, my little guy did the stealing. Eeegh. We had to do the whole face-to-face talk with the school counselor and everything.