AI: 21st Century

I must address that opening number from the cast offs.

::said in british accent like Simon::  What.  Was.  That?   Abysmal with a capital A.

Why did they feel the need to put us through that?  First of all, I had all but forgotten every single one of them.  Three of the girls I didn't even recognize, let alone remember their names.  And Paul.  Oh PAUL.  Wha?  The only words he even knew were "I wanna start a fight!" at the end.  The rest he just mumbled.  Off key.  Terrible.  

K, let's hop to it.  It's late.

SCOTTY

Swingin' by LeAnn Rimes

Good: the low part.  His deep voice is a force to be reckoned with.  So glad they mocked the way he holds his mic, btw.

Bad Stuff:  The eyebrow waggling.  Why must he?  Stop it.  He's a 50 year old trapped in a 17 year old's body.

Whatever Stuff:  Yes, it was "safe" but if that's not the very word that describes country music then I don't know what is.  Country music panders to the lowest common denominator in this country.  Not to generalize here but I'm talking rednecks, back woods honkey tonks and white trash.   Ha!  I kid.  (not really tho)  What I'm saying is there are no unsafe country songs.  Try and name one.... see?  All safe.  It's what they do.

JAMES

Uprising by Muse

Good: I may be a bit biased because I LOVE that song but song choice was huge here.  It fit him like the proverbial glove.  Very very cool performance.  I found myself smiling through the whole thing.

Bad Stuff:  That get up he was wearing seemed so out of place with his normal colored mouse-brown hair.

Whatever Stuff:  Were the marching band people really necessary?  ::shrugging shoulders::

HALEY

Rolling In The Deep by Adele

Good:  I think this is the first night that I've thought to myself "She belongs here."  I really like how distinct and different her voice is while still being really good.  She is growing on me in a big way.  Loved her dress & hair too.

Bad Stuff:  I got nothin'.

Whatever Stuff: Are she & Casey really dating?  Someone send me a link.  I'm too lazy to google.

JACOB

Dance With My Father by Luther Vandross

Good:  I got nothin'.

Bad Stuff: I have lots of "this explains things" jokes but I can't use them because I'd look like a jerk.  I have a sneaking suspicion that at least 50% of his "emotions" up there were fake.  He is the divaiest divafied diva to have ever graced the AI stage.  His tears were out of frustration because his ear piece wasn't playing the right thing...nothing to do with his Dad.

Whatever stuff:  Did he call everyone a "sweetie pie?"  He's lame.  And un-creative.

CASEY

Harder to Breathe by Maroon 5

Good:  I rewound and watched and laughed my head off at the part where he slaps James and chases Scotty about 10 times.  That kid killlllls me.  He's so Jack Black-y, which I love.  Maybe he can find a less attractive partner and they can be the Tenacious E?  Loved what he did with the song.  Very cool.

Bad:  Kissing JLo.  C'mon Casey.  That was....weird.

Whatever stuff:  Casey is the guy who I look at and wonder what he's going to look like 5 years from now after being in "the biz" for a while.   Will he be all clean cut, chiseled and Hollywood-ized?  Or will he go all Nick Nolte/Marlon Brando?  Cuz there is no in between.  He will be changed.  We just don't know in what way.

STEFANO

Closer by Ne-Yo

Good:

Bad Stuff:  Oh my gosh.  No no no.  Bad bad bad.  Gross gross gross.  Was I the only one disgusted by how schmoozy and greasy he is with the ladies??  And then his facial expressions on stage?  And his "moves?"  Yuck.    And the judges didn't call him on any of it.  Tonight I missed Simon.  He would have had NONE of that.

Whatever Stuff:  I needed to take a shower after watching that.

LAUREN

Born to Fly by Sara Evans

Good:  Her hair looked good and that outfit was cute.

Bad Stuff:  Eh....she's so booooring.  Forgettable even.  The song was so-so.  I think she has zero personality too.  It could be an age thing but really, I just think she's boring.  She's lucky she has Stefano this week to take the fall for her.

Whatever Stuff:  Someone needed to have a little sit-down with that fiddler player and explain to him that this performance had nothing to do with him.  He practically elbowed poor Lauren out of the way.

Bottom Three:  Lauren, Stefano, Jacob (hoping people aren't all mushy over the dad dying thing)

Going home: STEFANO (easiest pick I've ever made)

AI: Guest Blogger!

In an act of true heroism, my underbar SIL is filling in for me this week at the very last second.  I haven't been able to watch this week's AI yet, let alone mock it.  You people were probably dying for a fresh perspective anyway... well Chrissi delivers!


Thank you, Chrissi.  You are the wind beneath my wings. And I love Joe's inputs as well.  

 I didn't know I was going to be the guest blogger until after it was over, so it's going to be the take-away, not the in the moment details.  I would appreciate if Tiff would add the pictures, but please not the one of Jacob as the devil, since I wouldn't go that far. :)
 

 Might I first begin with a few notes about Pia.  There has been all sorts of buzz about changing the voting so that America votes and the judges make the final decision. Even Pia in an interview said she thought the judges should have some say.  Okay, that would be, in the voice of Antoine Dodson, "so dumb, for real."  It would ruin the show. They did have their say, like when they did a billion auditions and selected the top 24 and then 3 bonus people. Pia was pretty, she could sing, but if you didn't already know the song, you would have no idea what she was singing about.  She sang words, not stories or feelings. no connection.
You need to be quirky in someway to get a passionate voting fan-base, and she was just too boring.

Soooo, I will now discuss who I think has fans that will sit by the phone for two hours and hit redial.

Jacob: Loved that Jimmy what's-his-butt lectured him on not lecturing America. Jacob looked humbled... and then sang about his troubled waters. His voice. my goodness, that voice. that range. crazy incredible.  In my 9 yr old's words last week, "He's emotional."
He will not be in the bottom three this week, because his fans were so frightened by his close call that they will redial in all their holy southern glory.

Haley: Ridiculously dumb song. There are a total of three words, and three notes in the song. dumb. But that outfit was By Far her best ever. If I looked like her and could wear stuff like that, I totally would. She's been safe for two weeks, and her fans are not as passionate as they once were.  Joe think she has Pia's votes. I think Pia's peeps quit voting. Bottom Three

Casey: The judges did a standing-O because they wanted to trick America into thinking that was an awesome performance. He is a brilliant musician For Sure. He plays that base without even thinking about it, but the vocals This Week were lame. I think his fans love him as much or more than some of the other fans love their person, but I don't see Jazz people sitting by the phone for two hours. Still, safe.

Lauren: her worst performance. She's good, but I just don't see a star in her. not sure who's taking the time to vote for her, really. the country folks are voting for Scotty, I'd think.

James: Not his best. I think he's probably a favorite of many. I don't see the 40 somethings voting (Joe is a great example. He likes him a lot, but has not picked-up the phone once).
This is not meant to be rude AT ALL, but I'm sure the autistic kids will sit and vote for 2 hours.  He is to Autism and Turrets, as Jimmer is to Mormons.  I would sit and vote for Jimmer for two hours. In fact, I did. and I cheered and cried and wondered if he'd like me if we met. James is safe.

Scotty: Not his best, but his fans started calling yesterday.

Stefano: I thought, originally, that he had the David Archuleta girls, but Stefano is not adorable like I had thought.  He is not engaging like he wants to be. I don't know if you can learn to be engaging in a week; he's just cute and can sing.  Bottom Three

Paul: I still love him, Joe hates him. I think his fans will keep him safe tonight.

So Bottom: Stefano, Lauren, and Haley (Joe thinks Paul here, for the record)
Stefano goes home.

loves to you all!!! Chrissi

AI: Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Week

This should be good.  Let's get right to it....

Jacob

Man In the Mirror by Michael Jackson

Oh no he di'int just try to guilt trip America into voting for him!!!  "If I'm in the bottom three this week, it won't be because I didn't sing well....it'll be because America isn't ready to look at themselves in the mirror."  I hate you Jacob.  I love that song but I hate you.  I may go vote for everyone BUT you since that's as close to voting against you as I can get.  He's dead to me.

Haley

Piece of My Heart by Janis Joplin 

I liked it.  It showed her personality a little more and it suited her voice.  I don't really know what else to say.  I think her being a "contender" is probably an over-statement but she did well tonight.  I still don't think people click with her but who knows.

Casey

Have You Ever Seen the Rain? by CCR

Oh.  My.  Gosh.  I love the upright bass.  I love it.  It's the whole reason that one guy is my favorite in the Bare Naked Ladies.  It has to be done right though.  It has to seem like the person barely even knows it's there and yet their fingers just go go go.  Casey did it right.  Loved it.  Not to mention his little grunts and crooked mouth like he's up there telling a joke.  That boy is thoroughly enjoyable.

Lauren

Natural Woman by Aretha Franklin

Christian Slater is a fan.  So that's good.  She is a great singer.  Really really good.   I will say, however, that Gwen Stefani's clothes did her no favors.  Everything is black except big poofy pockets right at her thighs?  No.  And she is not a fauxhawk type.  P!nk? Yes.  Gwen?  Yup.  Lauren?  No.  It was unsettling.  I like her dimples though (on her face).  

James

While My Guitar Gently Weeps by George Harrison

I'm calling this his "Tracks of my Tears" moment.  Sitting on a stool.  Guitar player by his side.  Textbook Adam Lambert.  I wonder when he'll have his "Born to Be Wild" moment.   And then his bird cage shoulder pads moment.  Eeek!  Let's keep him around a bit longer, ok?   He reminds me of my cousin Ben a little.  I know there are only a few of you who will get that but it needed to be said because I just figured it out.  If he ever sings "I Knew I Loved You" by Savage Garden I will FREAK.  OUT.

Scotty

That's All Right, Mama by Elvis Presley

Those girls running up?  I told you he was the Southern Beiber.  I thought this performance was cute.  His Elvis Halloween costume was the cutest thing I've ever seen.  I kinda want one of my boys to develop an Elvis fascination.  They've seen Lilo & Stitch though and nothing has happened.  I'll figure something else out.  But I digress.... my only complaint with Scotty (other than the fact that I would NEVER buy one of his songs in the future) is how he holds that microphone.  The off-to-the-side-with-just-the-fingertips-on-the-one-hand thing?  Lame.  Someone needs to coach him on that.  Will.i.am shoulda stepped in there rather than doing his math equations (Country + Rock = Country Rock).  

Pia

River Deep Mountain High by Tina Turner

It should be illegal for Gwen Stefani to make clothes.  Worst.  Outfit.  Ever.  Singing was good.  You can add more commentary on her in the comments if you have any.  I don't.

Stefano

When A Man Loves A Woman by Percy Sledge

Ok, so here's how it's going to be with Stefano.  It'll be a roller coaster ride.  Some weeks he'll be cheesy and lame and other weeks he'll be pretty good and mostly tolerable.  Ok, it's more like a kiddie roller coaster but still, it's enough to keep us on our toes.  This week was pretty good and mostly tolerable.  He nailed that key change, didn't he?   Good week, Fano.  Let's see if it'll be enough.

Paul

Folsom Prison Blues by Johnny Cash

Well that was fun, wasn't it?  Somehow, though, the lyric "I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die" doesn't have quite the impact when those pearly whites are grinning at you but he can't help it.  He's fun. I liked it.

So, there you have it.   Here are my picks.  Please leave yours in the comments.

Bottom Three:  Haley, Lauren, Jacob (wishful thinking)

Going Home: Haley

AI: Sir Elton John Week

My apologies to anyone who was worried for my health because I haven't posted anything about American Idol this week (that would be AV and my parents).  The fact is that I'm on spring break with the family and didn't even watch it yet!  What kind of AI Blogger am I?  A sucky one.

I'll be back next week.

In the mean time, if you have anything to say about this week please feel free to do so in the comments.  My dad claims everyone one was stellar and any one of these people could have won the whole thing on any past season.  Overstatement?

Who sang Tiny Dancer?   At least tell me that.  It's a perennial AI favorite of mine.

AI: Motown Week (um....)

This is the week where I question why I do this.

Why do I watch this show?  Why do I spend my time blogging about it?  Why does AI inSIST on doing this to me?  I don't want any more Motown weeks.  Who can I write a letter to?  Srsly.  Someone get me an email address.

Ugh.

But let's make the best of it I guess.

I'd also like to take this opportunity to say a little bit about the fact that the contestants have these amazing producers working with them this year.  I LOVE it.  And I'll tell you why.... the comment I hated the most from the judges (and it was nearly every song) was "I don't really like what you did there with the arrangement" and every variation of that comment thereof and forthwith, etc and etc.  What, praytell, does that have to do with ANYTHING???  I got so sick of hearing that when this was not a "who can arrange the song the best way" contest, but a singing competition (<---that's another phrase I hate but only when other people use it, duh).  They insisted the kids "make the songs their own" and yet would thrash them if they tinkered with it in a way they did not approve of.  It was maddening.     So, long story short, I'm so glad they have these producers helping the kids out.  It takes that whole aspect out of it & the judges can't say P. Diddly Squat.

Now, on to ::deep breath with eyes closed::...Motown week.

Casey

I Heard it Through The Grapevine by Marvin Gaye

Ok...he's got the semi-slicked back hair which gives me just a hint of what he might look like "cleaned up."  Not bad.  I mean, not great, but not awful.  We all know Casey is not about his looks anyway but still.  As he was groovin' through the audience he suddenly made me imagine him as some kind of Will Farrell character.  And Markie's comment that he was just another Taylor Hicks has stuck with me & has tainted me.  Thanks a lot, Markie.  I now see him as entertaining but am constantly wondering about his marketability.  The fact that, as JLo said, there is no one out there like him may not be a good thing.  There's no one out there like a lot of people.  For a reason.   Buuuut, I liked him.  Of course.

Thia

Heat Wave by Martha & the Vandellas

First of all, loved her dress tonight.  Cute & age appropriate.  Not modest, but still, I can appreciate it without letting my daughter wear it.  I'm good at separating like that.  Secondly... why did it seem like she forgot some of the words?  Were those ooooohs on purpose?  Confusing.  But the judges didn't mention so either it wasn't a big deal or she didn't forget anything.  Anyway, what she did sing was great.  I still feel like she doesn't have a ton of personality but she tried and was pretty much successful.  Much better than her Pocahontas crap from last week.  Oh wait... I just ffwd'ed through the commercials and she does admit to forgetting the words there in her backstage thingy.   Good.  Glad to know I wasn't going crazy on Motown week.

Jacob

You're All I Need by Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell

Dangit.  Shoot.  Now I'm ticked.  Shoooooot!  I actually really liked this.  Like, a lot.  Why did he have to use restraint?  Why did he have to be a little silly?  Why did he stay right on pitch?  Dang you Jacob.  Now what am I gonna do?  It even made me kind of like Motown week, fhs!  This is getting bad.  I may have even watched it twice because I liked it so much.  Now I'm not saying I'd like the "future Jacob who puts out original music" but tonight, I liked him.  And his eyebrows are perfection.

Lauren

You Keep Me Hangin' On by The Supremes

TBone:  I like this girl.  You can't even hear her accent when she sings.  It's like she's just a regular American.

I remember hearing Phil Collins talk when I was about 11 and freaking out.  What??  He's BRITISH??? It blew my mind.   So yeah, I get it Tbone.   Back to Lauren, she done good.  I loved her dress as well.  She had some attitude.  She walked around.  She sounded good.  What else can I say?  Lauren is solid.  And yet seems fragile.  I'm not sure how she'll hold up in this business.

Stefano

Hello by Lionel Richie

Obviously I was alone with this inside my mind.  Doesn't he have a single FB friend that posted that?  And did he really mouth "I love you" at the end??? Nooooooooooo!   Please no!!!!!!!!  So yeah,  can't take him seriously.  Weirdest song choice of the night.  ::stepping off the Stefano Train::  Yikes.

Haley

You Really Got A Hold on Me by Smokey Robinson & The Miracles

I really wish they wouldn't say "We've been working on her eye contact and walking more confidently" because then the whole time I'm thinking "she practiced making eye contact and walking."  I think there are people who connect with America and there are people who don't.  She don't.   She has an interesting voice & it's decent enough but I just don't think there's anything there to make people vote for her.  Sorry! ::said in a British accent like Simon::

Scotty

For Once In My Life by Stevie Wonder

Well, he certainly "Scottyed" the crap outta this one, didn't he?  The song was practically unrecognizable.  I wish I knew how many people in America have a Randy Travis album on their iPods because then I could give you a ballpark number of how many votes he's going to get each week.  Again, not my thing but I think he does my non-thing well.   If it were my thing and I was 15, I'd be dialing & redialing and voting online like a maniac.  I'm assuming he's the South's Justin Beiber.

Pia

All In Love is Fair by Stevie Wonder

Bobblehead Pia.  Someone make one now and I will buy one.  While listening to the judges her head does not stay still.  It's awesome.    She's good.  And, like Jacob, it annoys me.  Why can't I be head over heels gaga over her?  Someone please explain this to me.  She's an amazing singer.  I'm wondering if next week when she "kicks it up a notch" if it'll be good or cringe worthy.  I just can't see her bebopping all over the stage.  But I guess we shall see as she is going nowhere this week.

Paul

Tracks of My Tears by Smokey Robinson & The Miracles

 I loved this.  With all my heart I loved this.  His guitar and mic stand kept him in one spot which was huge.  I was worried when he first said what song he was doing because I thought Adam Lambert's version was nothing short of genius.  I didn't think Paul could do as well or top Adam's but I really think he did.  Very singer/songwriter-y.  Like a seasoned veteran.  He seems completely unaffected by the whole AI thing (read: opposite of Lauren) Memo to Paul: More of this please.  Maybe even sitting on a stool next week, mkay?  More of that "tear in your voice" as JLo said.  You'll be glad you did.  Love, Landee

Naima

Dancing In the Street by Martha & the Vandellas

::cut to tomorrow night::  Ryan Seacrest, "Naima....Steven Tyler said it was 'E to the Z, ooh twiddly dee.  Jlo said you gave her goosebumps.  And Randy said everything you did was 'smart.'"  Dangit.  Again, I was completely taken off guard by enjoying her tonight.  Motown, what are you doing to me??  I was even waiting around prepared to hate the African dancing and then I didn't.  It even made me smile.  Which bugged.   I'm not joining the Naima Fan Club or anything but tonight was fun.  Oh, and she sounded great too.  It's like Bizarro AI tonight.    PS She is the black Hilary Swank.  K, I'm done now.

James

Livin' for the City by Stevie Wonder

If James ever shows up with bird cages on his shoulders I'll know his transformation into Adam Lambert is complete.  Well, that and some "persuasion" issues.   I reeeeeally liked this.  Again, he knows when to hold back and when to let 'er rip.  He's comfortable.  He doesn't make me worried about what he's going to do.  All good things in my book.    I just noticed he has sunglasses hanging off his shirt in his promo pic up there.  I wonder whose idea that was.  <---just trying to think of something to criticize about him for once.

Sooooooo.....::getting serious now::  I'd like to apologize to Motown week.  I should not have said the things I  said earlier.  You were very enjoyable and I think I forget that every year.  Aside from Stefano, you nailed it.  You can come back to AI again, if you want.  Again, I'm sorry.

Bottom Three: 

 Haley

Thia

Stefano

Going Home:

Haley

I just don't think she did enough to win America back.

Yikes, this is hard this week, you guys!  Can't wait to hear your thoughts....

Because They're Nummerz....

Make these.  Love these.  You don't even have to give me credit.


White Chocolate Orange Cookies
[makes 3 dozen]

1 C. butter (not margarine, never margarine)

½ C. white sugar

½ C. brown sugar

1 egg

2 ¼ C. flour

¾ t. baking soda

½ t. salt

2 T. grated orange peel*

2 C. white chocolate chips

Mix butter & sugars until creamy.  Beat in egg.  Add the rest of the dry ingredients and mix in.  When you have a good dough consistency, add the orange peel and the white chocolate.  Bake 10-12 minutes at 350 degrees.  Cool on wire racks.   

*I would be remiss if I didn't say thank you to my Pampered Chef microplane tool here.  It makes grating orange peel a joy.  An honest-to-goodness joy.  And no, I don't sell the stuff but I do believe in praising a good product when I find one. So next time your sister-in-law is hosting a PC party and you can't figure out what to get to support her & help her get some free stuff, pick one of these bad boys up.  

AI: Birth Year Funtivities

First things first... a big shout out to Steve B there on the east coast!  I welcome and applaud you.

Second things second, JLo's hair is scaring me.  A small woodland animal could be living in there and we would never know.  Plus I guarantee she loved Pia's jumpsuit.  She may have even designed it.

Ah, the week where they sing a song from their birth year... this is also known as "Make Landee Feel Super Old" week.  Geez.  Thia was born in the mid-90s???  Wha??  Just shoot me.

Naima

Year: 1984

Song: What's Love Got to Do With It? by Tina Turner

Ok, so she's not exactly a spring chicken.  ::feeling a little better about myself::  Is she married?  I may have missed that bit of information as I was too distracted trying to memorize that lullaby she sings to her daughters.  I've also just had the realization that she is Bizarro Katherine McPhee.  Her mother was a singer too.  Her mother is living vicariously through her daughter too.  Bizarro parts are, obviously racial.  But also, Katherine had talent.    I ain't gonna lie... this was no good.  They were being nice by simply calling it "pitchy."  Even with all her edgy clothes, interesting look & supposed personality, she lacks something up there when she's performing.  She doesn't even leave me wanting... it's just like eh.  But apparently "she gon bring it.  Das all she can do.  Bring it."  I'm guessing she won't though.

Paul

Year: 1984

Song: I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues by Elton John

Oh, fhs.  Get this boy a chair and glue it to him so I can concentrate on his singing.  The cameramen must dread it when it's his turn.  Especially the close-up camera guy.  Geez.    That aside, he is decent.  He's like if James Blunt were to have started out on AI.  There is something cool about a distinctive voice and he's happy & nice.  I don't want him or his bollo tie to leave just yet.

Thia

Year: 1995

Song: Colors of the Wind by Vanessa Williams/Pocahontas

(This is the part where I go and check my crowsfeet and convince myself that I would never want to be 15 again and have to relive all this glorious life over again.  Probably).    Ok, so yes, it was safe.  Yes, she sang another ballad.  But, honestly, I thought it was pretty good.  At first I was annoyed with all her smiling (I know Pocahontas didn't smile that much singing it).  But then when the violins swelled up there I was happy for her.  Like, I may have even done the Mom Proud Face.    I'm convinced Randy is dead inside and set the tone for the judges.  I don't think it was as bad as they claim.

James

Year: 1989

Song: I'll Be There For You by Bon Jovi

::singing tauntingly:: "Jimmy has a dolly, Jimmy has a dolly..."  What a girl!!  Just kidding.  TBone had a Spiderman baby he used to put diapers on...and he asked for a stroller when he was three... oh, and a Dora house.... ok... let's move on.  I liked this.  It's not my favorite Bon Jovi song but I looked up that album and yeah,  that was the best of the bunch from that year.   Had he gone the Aerosmith route as Mr. Tyler was bemoaning, he could have done either "Janie's Got A Gun" or "Love in an Elevator."   Both superior to "I'll Be There For You" but Mr.-Too-Big-For-His-Britches seems to think he's making it to the finale to sing an Aerosmith song so whatevs.  I hope that works out for him.  I think.  The reality is I'm still on the fence with this guy.  I definitely don't hate him but love?  Too soon to commit to anything.  I'm still shopping around.

Haley

Year:1990

Song: I'll Be Your Baby Tonight by Whitney Houston

Ryan ruined my lipstick on the chin bit.  Jerk.   Anyway, so yeah, considering the cardinal sin on AI is to sing a Whitney song, I think she did pretty good with it.  She made it a little interesting here and there.  She um.... well, she also.... I, uh, think she was wearing black pants?  Seriously, I got nothing else on her.  ::cursing Ryan for messing up my bit again::

Stefano

Year: 1989

Song: If You Don't Know Me By Now by Simply Red

I take by my statement on his father...it's not Tony Danza... it's Howie Mandel!! Exciting!  Ok, ok, ok, he grew on me with this performance.  He kinda Bruno Mars-ed it, if you know what I mean.  At first I was like "Really?  THIS song?  I'd rather you sing Hangin' Tough!"  But then I saw the error of my ways and jumped on the Stefano train.  I don't now if I'm a permanent passenger.  I may get off at the next stop but the ride was very agreeable tonight.

Pia Diarrhea and her Jumpsuit

Year: 1988

Song: Where Do Broken Hearts Go by Whitney Houston

I canNOT WAIT until she is on Real Housewives of Queens.  That is gonna be awesome.   In the mean time we will be subjected to her poor fashion choices and horrendous accent here on Fox.  But fine, she can sing.  I wish she sucked.  But she doesn't.  The older voters love divas too so she is not going anywhere just yet.  But really, think for one second about what kind of album she would put out.  Right?  Pure crap.  But no one ever thinks that way at this point in the game.  I'm very "big picture" obvs.

Scotty

Year: 1993

Song: Can I Trust You With My Heart by Travis Tritt

Naked fat baby alert!!!  Dang he was cute.  As his mother, the Elvis thing might have weirded me out a little but, you know, it all turned out ok.  He did a great job tonight....if you're into this kind of thing.  I guarantee he'll go on and do very well in Nashville.  He'll probably win some CMAs,  become the spokesperson for NASCAR,  throw out some opening pitches at Braves games.... and I will have never heard of him again after the AI Finale.  He'll only be known to me as "you know, that deep voiced kid on AI... Jenny called him Babylockthemdoors....remember?"  But I wish him well in all his endeavors.

Karen

Year: 1989

Song: Love Will Lead You Back by Taylor Dayne

"Don't like another prize only my Karen."  Oh my gosh.  I think I'm gonna cry.  Could her mom be any cuter?? She doesn't even want an Oscar!  Just her Karen.  Adorable.  As for Karen's performance... it was aaaaaight.  I mean, I think she's good but again, she doesn't play into my interests.  She won't be some Karen from the Block.  She'll end up being some female version of Julio Iglesias with a tenth of the popularity and no hawt son.  Do you see what I'm saying here?  Where does she go in her career?  Truly, I want to know.

Casey

Year: 1991

Song: Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana

I can honestly say that this is the first time I've ever known what the lyrics to this song are.  Load up on guns... that's really the first line?  And there's a mention of a mulatto?   Interesting stuff there, I'm sure.  I'd look it up but I'm too lazy and plus I need to finish this up.  Bottom line: Love Casey still.  Love his parents.  Love that he keeps trying new things and keeping it funky fresh.  Compare this to Thia's Pocahontas song, for example.  Can you even compare?  No.

Lauren

Year: 1994

Song: I'm The Only One by Melissa Etheridge

Lauren's parents are the opposite of Casey's parents in that I'm fairly certain they must have had her when they were 12.  How young does her dad look?  30 tops?   Weird.   She & her flu did a fantastic job tonight.  She sang well.  She seemed comfortable enough.  She twanged it up without going all Scotty Tritt on us.  I liked it.  Sadly, I must conclude she is dumb as a rock though.  I refuse to allow this to be a factor in my opinion of her.  Let's just acknowledge it and move on.  ::nodding at you curtly and walking over to the next contestant::

Jacob

Year: 1987

Song: Alone by Heart

Lusk-y Stank.  He said it, not me.  Leave it to Jacob to make me hate one of my favorite songs of all time.  He, once again, took me on that ride which I did NOT want to go on.  Hated it.  Hated pretty much every second of that, really.   Randy, he caressed nothing...he took that song and brutally murdered every note.  Blaaaaaaaah.  I don't know if I can take another week of that.  If next week all you see is  "Jacob   ::ffwd::"  then you'll know I reached my breaking point.

Bottom Three:

Naima
Haley
Karen

Gone: KAREN

Plzthanks chime in.  I hate sitting here talking to myself.