Thursday, March 17, 2011

AI: Birth Year Funtivities

First things first... a big shout out to Steve B there on the east coast!  I welcome and applaud you.

Second things second, JLo's hair is scaring me.  A small woodland animal could be living in there and we would never know.  Plus I guarantee she loved Pia's jumpsuit.  She may have even designed it.

Ah, the week where they sing a song from their birth year... this is also known as "Make Landee Feel Super Old" week.  Geez.  Thia was born in the mid-90s???  Wha??  Just shoot me.

Naima

Year: 1984
Song: What's Love Got to Do With It? by Tina Turner

Ok, so she's not exactly a spring chicken.  ::feeling a little better about myself::  Is she married?  I may have missed that bit of information as I was too distracted trying to memorize that lullaby she sings to her daughters.  I've also just had the realization that she is Bizarro Katherine McPhee.  Her mother was a singer too.  Her mother is living vicariously through her daughter too.  Bizarro parts are, obviously racial.  But also, Katherine had talent.    I ain't gonna lie... this was no good.  They were being nice by simply calling it "pitchy."  Even with all her edgy clothes, interesting look & supposed personality, she lacks something up there when she's performing.  She doesn't even leave me wanting... it's just like eh.  But apparently "she gon bring it.  Das all she can do.  Bring it."  I'm guessing she won't though.

Paul

Year: 1984
Song: I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues by Elton John

Oh, fhs.  Get this boy a chair and glue it to him so I can concentrate on his singing.  The cameramen must dread it when it's his turn.  Especially the close-up camera guy.  Geez.    That aside, he is decent.  He's like if James Blunt were to have started out on AI.  There is something cool about a distinctive voice and he's happy & nice.  I don't want him or his bollo tie to leave just yet.

Thia

Year: 1995
Song: Colors of the Wind by Vanessa Williams/Pocahontas

(This is the part where I go and check my crowsfeet and convince myself that I would never want to be 15 again and have to relive all this glorious life over again.  Probably).    Ok, so yes, it was safe.  Yes, she sang another ballad.  But, honestly, I thought it was pretty good.  At first I was annoyed with all her smiling (I know Pocahontas didn't smile that much singing it).  But then when the violins swelled up there I was happy for her.  Like, I may have even done the Mom Proud Face.    I'm convinced Randy is dead inside and set the tone for the judges.  I don't think it was as bad as they claim.


James

Year: 1989

Song: I'll Be There For You by Bon Jovi

::singing tauntingly:: "Jimmy has a dolly, Jimmy has a dolly..."  What a girl!!  Just kidding.  TBone had a Spiderman baby he used to put diapers on...and he asked for a stroller when he was three... oh, and a Dora house.... ok... let's move on.  I liked this.  It's not my favorite Bon Jovi song but I looked up that album and yeah,  that was the best of the bunch from that year.   Had he gone the Aerosmith route as Mr. Tyler was bemoaning, he could have done either "Janie's Got A Gun" or "Love in an Elevator."   Both superior to "I'll Be There For You" but Mr.-Too-Big-For-His-Britches seems to think he's making it to the finale to sing an Aerosmith song so whatevs.  I hope that works out for him.  I think.  The reality is I'm still on the fence with this guy.  I definitely don't hate him but love?  Too soon to commit to anything.  I'm still shopping around.

Haley

Year:1990
Song: I'll Be Your Baby Tonight by Whitney Houston

Ryan ruined my lipstick on the chin bit.  Jerk.   Anyway, so yeah, considering the cardinal sin on AI is to sing a Whitney song, I think she did pretty good with it.  She made it a little interesting here and there.  She um.... well, she also.... I, uh, think she was wearing black pants?  Seriously, I got nothing else on her.  ::cursing Ryan for messing up my bit again::

Stefano

Year: 1989
Song: If You Don't Know Me By Now by Simply Red

I take by my statement on his father...it's not Tony Danza... it's Howie Mandel!! Exciting!  Ok, ok, ok, he grew on me with this performance.  He kinda Bruno Mars-ed it, if you know what I mean.  At first I was like "Really?  THIS song?  I'd rather you sing Hangin' Tough!"  But then I saw the error of my ways and jumped on the Stefano train.  I don't now if I'm a permanent passenger.  I may get off at the next stop but the ride was very agreeable tonight.

Pia Diarrhea and her Jumpsuit

Year: 1988
Song: Where Do Broken Hearts Go by Whitney Houston

I canNOT WAIT until she is on Real Housewives of Queens.  That is gonna be awesome.   In the mean time we will be subjected to her poor fashion choices and horrendous accent here on Fox.  But fine, she can sing.  I wish she sucked.  But she doesn't.  The older voters love divas too so she is not going anywhere just yet.  But really, think for one second about what kind of album she would put out.  Right?  Pure crap.  But no one ever thinks that way at this point in the game.  I'm very "big picture" obvs.

Scotty

Year: 1993
Song: Can I Trust You With My Heart by Travis Tritt

Naked fat baby alert!!!  Dang he was cute.  As his mother, the Elvis thing might have weirded me out a little but, you know, it all turned out ok.  He did a great job tonight....if you're into this kind of thing.  I guarantee he'll go on and do very well in Nashville.  He'll probably win some CMAs,  become the spokesperson for NASCAR,  throw out some opening pitches at Braves games.... and I will have never heard of him again after the AI Finale.  He'll only be known to me as "you know, that deep voiced kid on AI... Jenny called him Babylockthemdoors....remember?"  But I wish him well in all his endeavors.

Karen

Year: 1989
Song: Love Will Lead You Back by Taylor Dayne

"Don't like another prize only my Karen."  Oh my gosh.  I think I'm gonna cry.  Could her mom be any cuter?? She doesn't even want an Oscar!  Just her Karen.  Adorable.  As for Karen's performance... it was aaaaaight.  I mean, I think she's good but again, she doesn't play into my interests.  She won't be some Karen from the Block.  She'll end up being some female version of Julio Iglesias with a tenth of the popularity and no hawt son.  Do you see what I'm saying here?  Where does she go in her career?  Truly, I want to know.

Casey

Year: 1991
Song: Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana

I can honestly say that this is the first time I've ever known what the lyrics to this song are.  Load up on guns... that's really the first line?  And there's a mention of a mulatto?   Interesting stuff there, I'm sure.  I'd look it up but I'm too lazy and plus I need to finish this up.  Bottom line: Love Casey still.  Love his parents.  Love that he keeps trying new things and keeping it funky fresh.  Compare this to Thia's Pocahontas song, for example.  Can you even compare?  No.

Lauren

Year: 1994
Song: I'm The Only One by Melissa Etheridge

Lauren's parents are the opposite of Casey's parents in that I'm fairly certain they must have had her when they were 12.  How young does her dad look?  30 tops?   Weird.   She & her flu did a fantastic job tonight.  She sang well.  She seemed comfortable enough.  She twanged it up without going all Scotty Tritt on us.  I liked it.  Sadly, I must conclude she is dumb as a rock though.  I refuse to allow this to be a factor in my opinion of her.  Let's just acknowledge it and move on.  ::nodding at you curtly and walking over to the next contestant::

Jacob

Year: 1987
Song: Alone by Heart

Lusk-y Stank.  He said it, not me.  Leave it to Jacob to make me hate one of my favorite songs of all time.  He, once again, took me on that ride which I did NOT want to go on.  Hated it.  Hated pretty much every second of that, really.   Randy, he caressed nothing...he took that song and brutally murdered every note.  Blaaaaaaaah.  I don't know if I can take another week of that.  If next week all you see is  "Jacob   ::ffwd::"  then you'll know I reached my breaking point.

Bottom Three:

Naima
Haley
Karen

Gone: KAREN

Plzthanks chime in.  I hate sitting here talking to myself.

16 comments:

Steve B said...

Landee, Thanks for the shout out! That was certainly unexpected. I am in agreement with your comments, especially with Paul. I am trying to figure out what the heck he is doing up there and not really paying attention to how he is singing. In terms of who must go it should be Naima. I really like her story, but the vocals are not there. There is something missing as you say. If she goes it will vindicate my original analysis that neither Ashton nor Naima should have been in front of Kendra who got dogged on the sing off. She was the best of the three by far. She just didn't have the "cool" hair!

Memzy said...

Should I know steve?

Oh man. Just so we are clear I am already forwarding Jacob every night. I start out and then 7.3 seconds in I'm reaching for the remote. What I can't understand is what the judges see in him?!

I still like Pia but you're right about the future album.

My faves are for sure Casey and James. With a Scotty on the side.

Naima is going home.

Carol said...

My Dear Landeelu, After reading your comments--we are muy compatico. This proves we have similar genetic makeup. However, you know I love me some big hair. Do not dis Jlo's hair--do not. Pia's jammies were aweful and yes, I'm sure Jlo has a pair. When Paul starts to sing I have to close my eyes--not because he's dreamy--no, no. Because I can't watch him squiggle and squirm. It's just so painful!!
Naima-way bad
Jacob-way bad
Several mediocre contestants.
Me still loves Casey, Scotty, Thia and Pia. (But not enough to pick up the phone and vote). I save my votes for when the pack is down to 5.

Carol said...

Going home--Naima please.

Lee said...

It's me again, sorry if I am logged into the wrong browser, but I have a job here.

Now, I agree with everything, including the tony danza's son growing on me. Wow, he was amazing.

And thanks for calling out the Karen mom cuteness, so tierna!

And Jacob is at least entertaining and talented, I will give him that.

Casey was definitely good but that song is meant to be sort of hard to understand (except for "my mosquito, my libido") so it creeped me out to hear it articulated so clearly.

Love, love the country boy. I keep thinking he is going to screw up and I am going to be sad, but he is really just that good.

Paul blew it for me. Singing wasn't good enough to overcome the Blind Melon dancing.

Pia is a good singer but I am not into her.

You are my favorite, followed by Casey and Babylockthemdoors.

Going home, desafortunadamente: Karen. Also bottom three:
Lauren
Haley

I wish you could write these a little faster, I could hardly sleep with excitement about your post.

Princess Kimi said...

Leave JLo's hurr did alone...but let's talk about them eyebrows...holy 3x3s... I got nothin else cuz everything else I mocked in text messages to you during my viewing and you also mocked on here so it would be redundant but yeah...jumpsuit...just say no. Unless it's orange plaid and you are performing "twas a dark and stormy night" with your family. Otherwise, no. I gotta say I heart Pia's voice and I love her song choices....but anyone who has seen my iTunes playlists would know why. I'm not proud of it, it's just true. K put me down for the same bottom three as you...but I'm gonna say Haley is the goner. Kthanks. I will get back to you with RTs picks. He's busy getting my fabric exchange squares to Dad for the guild. (p.s.s.3 what kind of lamerz guild meets on St. Patty's Day, anyway? A lamerz one, that's what kind.) I shall forever now refer to Scotty as what Jespy said btw. Hilar.

Krissy said...

Jumpsuits should be banned. They make even the skinniest of people look like they have a BIF. Not cute at all.

I was glad to see Lauren finally step it up.

Yikes, Jacob. Yikes.

i really like Paul, even with the crazy moves. His voice intrigues me.

Casey is still my fave.

bottom 3:
Haley
Karen
Naima

Going home: Naima

michelangelo said...

Steve is my coworker. He's loyal to AI so he needs to know about the best blogger and commenters on the topic.

Hate Jacob and his trouty mouth.

And sorry, people, but I do not love Babylockthemdoors. Don't like the double fisting of the microphone. Don't like the cocked head or the singing out of the side of his mouth. And he's not that interesting to listen to.

Love JLo and her hair.

Pia doesn't move. She also doesn't move me.

I think Haley is talented but I can't deal with her lamerz hair.

Still love Casey. Intelligible words and all.

And yes, Lauren's dad is younger than me for sure.

I should be more loyal to Thea because she is clearly Filipina. But she doesn't have it. Too safe. Too married to the ballad. Too bad for her because I want to like her.

Bottom: naima, Karen, thea

Naima is outta hurr.

Hot Pants said...

I'm only voting for Casey. So everyone else is in the bottom.

Morgan's Visual Idea journal said...

I haven't watched it yet. Bottom three: Selena, Gypsy girl, and perm. Going home, Selena.

chrissi Richards said...

Naima: Bugs, but I have a soft spot for her.
Paul: Love him still
Thia: good but boring. just not a super star.
James: I like.
Haley: I was in a TOTAL panic thinking she had a zit that huge and that it was so red they couldn't even hide it. PLUS it looked as if it was growing as the song progressed. I think she's good and unique, just young. Randy needs to just let her be though as she is finding her style. I think he's ruining her.
Stefano: Do you think he'd be interested in a married 36 yr old with 5 kids?
Pia: They want her to win. I think they know something about the votes as well making them like her even more... $$$$
Scotty: He'll do well in Nashville. They love that stuff. It will be fun to see what songs are written just for him.
Karen: She's so sweet. Still love her mom. Karen just doesn't have "it"
Casey: love him
Lauren: bugs, but I think the judges favored her so much from the beginning and been over-rated.
Jacob: bless his heart
Bottom Three:
Naima, Haley, Karen
HOME: hard to say, Karen

Jenny ESP said...

I feel stupid and contagious, I see Casey entertain us.

bottom 3:
Haley
Karen
Naima

Going home: Naima. Please.

Jenny ESP said...

Are you keeping track of this, btw? Where are the stats?

Landee said...

Did everyone notice that I NAAAAAAIILED it!! As did several of you, of course. I am thinking now, though, that I wish I had been wrong. I could take more Karen. I don't know if I can take another week of Naima.

Krissy, what is the "BIF?" I feel a desperate need to know this term and use it in conversation soon. Thanks in advance.

SteveB in the comments!! Yay!

Chrissi, I guarantee you are at least 2 feet taller than Stefano. You could carry him around in your purse like a chihuahua. He can't be interested in anyone taller than Thia. It's for his own good.

Morgan's Visual Idea Journal... you nailed it without even watching!!! That is a gift. Was that based solely on my descriptions and commentary? Maybe I'M the one with the gift.

Jespy...not keeping track. It's a pain and you know how bad my math is. I think we can all just kind of keep in mind who are super good (me) at choosing and who are not (Flem-she put Lauren in the bottom three fhs!!). At the end we'll take a vote on who was the best picker. It'll be fun.

Flem said...

Hey I picked the one going home, which should get more points than the bottom three. I resent your comment.

Plus you know how hard it was for me to recognize the one latina was going home.

You betta watch out chica.

Krissy said...

BIF=butt in front

I strongly recommend using this in conversation.