Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Worst 15 mins. Of My Life

Except for when I had to push Beebs out with no epidural, I guess.

But still.... a dreadful 15 minutes to be sure.

I lost my iPhone in WalMart, people.

::pausing for effect::


It's bad enough I was even IN Walmart. But then BeeBee had to use the little girls room. Ugh. {My biggest pet peeve ever is her desire to try out every public restroom, btw}. And then, while in there, I decided that I may as well use the facilities as well. Double ugh.

As many of you know I keep my phone in my back pocket for easy access/butt flattering purposes. I decided that I didn't want to take any chances of my phone falling out of my pocket and into the Walmart toilet bowl (I've had a couple of close calls at home) so I took it out of my pocket and set it on top of the toilet paper dispenser "just for a second."


I then proceed to shop around The WalMart for about 15 minutes or so and then I reach for my phone.... nothing. I give myself a pat down like I just arrested myself & empty the contents of my purse like I have good reason to believe I'm a terrorist at the airport.

"What's wrong Mama? What's the matter? Mama? What happened?"

Apparently my face is not cooperating with my "Stay Calm, Everything Will Be Fine" mantra I'm whispering to myself in between deep breaths.

I race back to the bathroom and find nothing. I immediately picture myself telling Gty that I lost my iPhone in the bathroom of Walmart. This only makes things worse. He's fond of saying "Well, it was fun while it lasted!" to the kids when they break/lose stuff. I can imagine he'd reeeeeeally enjoy saying that to me with that friggin smirk on his face. I then come up with a plan on how to buy myself a new phone without him knowing.... pain killers and the street were involved. I won't say any more.

By this point in my schemes I am approaching the customer service desk where a nice lady in the back of the store told me the Lost & Found was located. I'm fourth in line. I wait my turn coming up with other more legal plans on how to earn some money "off the books" and soon enough the lady in front of me finished returning her two throw pillows that apparently didn't fit her decor and it's my turn.

I approach the early 20s nerdball boy working the desk....

"Hi, did anyone turn in an iPhone, by chance?"

::straightening up his posture and narrowing his eyes at me::

"What is your name?"

"Landeelu Landerson."

"Uhhmmmm.... hang on...." ::turns around to the desk behind him and grabs my phone {trumpets sound in my head} and turns back around::

"Yes! That's IT! Thank you so much!"

"I called the number on the back and talked to your husband."

"Oh great...." ::cursing that sticker I put on the back with my name and home phone on it::

I was so hoping to NOT have to explain anything to Gty but "Mark at Walmart" made sure I wasn't going to get off that easy.

Oh well, I didn't care. I was so elated to have my baby, er, I mean phone, back in my hand that nothing was going to bring me down. I was practically defying gravity. The hero of the day is the person who found my phone and turned it in. I am forever indebted her.

::cue 24's beep. beep. beep. beep. sound::



Hot Pants said...

I'm gonna need to reapply the deodorant after that one. I was on pins and needles, even though I knew it would only last 15 minutes.

marcikay said...

I need more warning for such tales of terror..

Markie23 said...

Srsly, life is so stress free without an iPhone to worry about.

My favorite part of that story was when Mark told you that he called and talked to your husband. I'd so love to see that smirk.

morgan said...

My favorite part was when you called Mark a "nerdball". I am lol-ing right now.

morgan said...

^^^^Dang it. That was Sara, not Morgan.

danandcami said...

So glad that happened to you there and not here. I don't think you would have gotten it back. Whitney left her purse in a shopping cart and noone returned it. A child's purse!! but it did have American and Australian money in it. The guy at the store said they RARELY get wallets or purses turned in so I imagine an iphone would be no exception!!!

Jenny ESP said...

Listen, there's no streets in Denver. When you get srs about making some bones on the sly, come to vegas. I'll hook you up with my live-in drug dealer. He's dope.

This is my worse nightmare, btw. It's literally a reoccurring nightmare for me. I wake up in a cold sweat, and frantically feel around my nightstand until I find my iPhone safe and sound. Horrible. It's right up there with the time I pushed out Gus with no epi, four years before you pushed out Beebs.

Landee said...

Jespy, my no epi story is worse than yours. At least that is how I remember it.

Carol said...

This will go down as one of my favorite posts. I've read it three times and laugh harder each time.

I know the terror of losing your iPhone for a few minutes--happened to me in the SLC airport 10 days ago. Left it in the bathroom stall--walked about 37 paces--ran back to the bathroom--someone was in the stall--door opened--person exited--iPhone was still where I left it. I hyperventilated for a few minutes before regaining my composure. I sooooo identify with your situation. BTW--never told UV.

Say Anything said...

So, me, Melissa, Christa, Britt and Keri are hanging in San Fran with a million fun options and our fingertips...but what are we doing laughing/bawling as we read your blog. Thanks for he fun times! Signed , your biggest fans!