Cobwebs Gone Awry

So I have this brother. Let's call him Kip. He's incredibly neat & tidy. His expensive shoes are always polished. What's left of his hair is always brilliantly coiffed. Designer jeans. Sweaters. Some might even call him metrosexual. Anyway, I think he's passing his "clean freak"-yness on to his young 3 year old son. And it cost me $190, blood, sweat & tears.

Here's the story. They came to visit at Christmas (my SIL's parents live near here) and were over at our house. Their son (we'll call him Chubberz, for no reason) looks up at the light fixture above our kitchen table and goes "Ewwwww.... Daddy wook! 'Pider webs!" Now what 3 yo boy doesn't like cobwebs? Huh? Kip's son. That's who.

Anyway, at the time I laughed all uncomfortably while looking up and was like "Oh my gosh, Chubberz! There are hardly any spider webs there... geesh!" but on the inside I was like, "Holy crap.... are there a million spiders living in my light fixure? Why have I never noticed these before? That is disgusting!" Outside: Playing it cool. Giving Kip the "Srsly, THIS is how your kid is?" look. Rolling my eyes. Inside: I can't even sit at this table anymore that light fixture is so gross.

Needless to say, the second they leave I get out my handy-dandy Swiffer duster and go to work on the thing. It's one of those types that hang down from the ceiling and have a bowl at the bottom with the lightbulbs inside the bowl. Well, I get up on the table to dust the chain and YUCK!!! a brazillion dead insects were inside the bowl. I don't think I had looked in there since we moved in 2.5 years earlier. I then proceed to figure out how to get the bowl free from the fixture itself. I unscrew a few things, bend a few things and voila, it's out. I rinse it out (while looking away) and put it on the counter to dry.

I then get the fixture completely cobweb free and go get the bowl. The bowl is very large and very heavy. Gty is sitting 10 feet away watching TV. I could ask him for help but for whatever reason I don't feel like I need help. No, I don't WANT help. Afterwards I want to tell him "Look... spic & span and what did you do? Watch TV." But I never got the chance to say that because as I'm attempting to put the bowl back up into its cradle..... I drop it.... and it shatters into one hundred million pieces. I sat there stunned for a few minutes while Gty tried to piece together (pun intended) what happened. My pride got the best of me.

I was so pizzed.

This is what my light fixture has looked like for the past 4 months:



Like a couple of hangers fashioned together with three mismatched lightbulbs dangling in the middle. So ridiculous. I had plans to get a new fixture the next day but, well, you know how that goes. The next day turns into a week, a week into weeks and before you know it, you're used to your "new" light fixture and it doesn't send you into a slight depression every time you look at it. After a while you don't even notice when people come over to your house and are staring quizzically over near the kitchen table.

Then, one day, months down the road, you snap out of it and suddenly you can't handle having this atrocity above your kitchen table even one more day.

You go to Home Depot and after some sweating and cursing (and help from Gty) you have installed this:




Oh my gosh. What a difference. I heart heart heart it. My breath quickens as I enter the kitchen now due to its beauty.



Now I just need to get some curtains made for my kitchen windows and we might actually have a room that is "pleasing to the eye" in there.

With my chandalier installation confidence built up, I decided to put this up in BeeBee's room.



It takes so little to make me happy. I don't know what Gty is talking about. I just go stand in her doorway and smile now.

Home improvement bliss.

Halla-freakin'-lewyah!

Thank you AI, for not toying with me and making it come down to Kris + one of the other losers. Ya just made him safe right off the bat and then I could rest easy.

Hey.... pssssst.... Adam.... guess what? Guess who the Gokey fans are gonna vote for now? Huh? Any idea? Yeeeeeah, not you. Mkay? Not you.

Hometown Visits:

Gokey.... no graveside shot. No single tear. Nothing. Sorry Daniel. But bringing this up in your "I'm Kicked Off the Show" montage ain't gonna get the votes. I felt so sorry for that lady running after the car. So embarassed for her. She was, like, 50.

Kris.... tender moment between he & his dad. Glad to hear him sing "Falling Slowly" again. And, um, is it just me or is his wife dead inside? She's like a Stepford Wife or something. His parents are all emotional & crying & saying how proud they are and she just stands there.... blank face.... nothing.... something is goin' on there. I need to make a sign that says "THIS COUGAR IS FOR KRIS" and put it in my yard. Don't ask me why. I just need to.

Adam.... I really loved his hometown visit. He went to that cute MET place where he performed as a kid, went back to his high school. It almost seemed.... humble? He seems like a way nice guy. Truly. But now, due to who he is up against, he is my mortal enemy. Game on, Lambert.

Jordin Sparks? What the? Too much pelving. Too much glaring at the camera. ::fast forward::
Katy Perry? Nice cape. She sux. ::fast forward::

It's gonna be a ding-dong next week, you gize.

PS What am I gonna blog about when the season is over? Real life stuff?? I'm nervous.

AI: Twofer (plus HI DARCI & SKYLER!!)

Pauler.... you can pick your AI contestants and you can pick your nose. But you can't pick your AI contestants' songs. Terence Trent D'Arby? Really? Really. Paula, you're fired.

Kara looks way good with bangs. Too bad she's still dumb/lame/stupid, etc. Love the bangs tho.

Will they be showing more of the big "hometown visits" on the results show? There was NOTHING! It was a shot of them in front of an AT&T store getting their judges song choice! What is upwidat? No graveside shot of Gokey....::single tear::

As for the title of this post, I discovered recently that my cutest ever nephew's cutest ever girlfriend has been keeping up on my blog but won't read my AI recaps cuz Sanjaya ruined the show for her and she refuses to watch. I thought I'd try to sucker her into reading this one by putting her name in the title. Did it work? Darci? You there????? Love having you here. Keep reading.

You do the Gokey Pokey and you turn yourself around....
"Dance Little Sister" by Terence Trent D'Arby
"You Are So Beautiful" by Joe Cocker

Ok, so the song wasn't his choice....the FIRST song wasn't his choice. The second lame song was, however. Too bad the boy wasn't born 20+ years earlier. He could have given Michael Bolton a run for his money. I loved Paula standing up and dancing extra hard during her song choice to try to "sell it." Didn't work tho. I slept through both performances. If his luster was starting to fade before, he's now an old rusty candelabra. Light, gone.

Me + Kris = TLA
"Apologize" by One Republic
"Heartless" by Kanye West

Excellent song choice from Randy & Kara. Loved seeing him on the piano. Has he done that before? I couldn't remember exactly. It was a nice mixture of staying true to the song and changing it up a little. LOVED the ending. The judges are idiots. Did Kara really say he had a "bum note?" Is that a technical term? I heart him. I heart him. I heart him. Admittedly when he announced his second song was going to be Kanye West I groaned and may have even yelled "Noooooooooooo!!!!!" Why have I not learned that I need not fear? Why haven't I learnest that he-ith da bomb? How could I let my faith wavereth? Was he seriously out there with just his guitar? No band to back him up? A.May.Zing.

What is this guy? Adam high singer, that's what.
"One" by U2
"Crying" by Aerosmith

Right, fine. We get it Simon. You got a phone call from Bono himself. Woopie. And PS, Simon... hated the arrangement. Adam was all high & girlie the whole time. I need him to come down every once in a while so I can appreciate the high notes. Not to mention the fact that he looked pained the whole performance and I felt like I needed to take a shower when it was over. Something about it made me feel yucky. Can't quite place it. As for the Aerosmith song, I thought it was a smart choice due tot he fact that he already sounds a lot like Steven Tyler. But who told him the higher the better? WHO? I want to punch this person. And Simon telling everyone at the end to not assume he is safe and to pick up the phone and vote for him? Unprecedented. I am beyond bugged. Ridiculous.

So I'm hoping Gokey is gonzo tonight. I received some texts last night that seem to indicate Memzy finally feels the same way. I still need to talk to Standsmom but if everyone is jumping off the Gokey bandwagon then this finale could actually end up being something I enjoy watching. Otherwise, I'll just be watching it for you gize. I'm such a giver like that.

Mother's Day Through The Years

A few years ago, I started taking pics of the kids and I every Mother's Day. I had visions in my head of putting up side by side pics of us on the wall.... one from when they were 2 and then again when they were 12, 18, etc. You get the point. It's going to be extremely touching, mark my words.

So I thought I'd post the ones I have. Apparently I got this idear in 2004. Living in Ohio. These were some bad hair days, you gize. Can you stand the cuteness of those boys??? I can't.



2005: Living in South Carolina. Much better hair. This must have been before the humidity took hold of it that day. I guess I was preggers with Beebs here but was unaware.




2006: Now in Colorado!! And mother of three. As if my enormous face didn't give it away. Can you believe we moved when Beebs was that little? How'd I ever get anything unpacked? I'm so glad that is now a blur.



2007: For whatever reason we let Maggie in this pic. Maybe I thought she'd even out the composition a little better? She is kind of like a 4th kid though. In that we just spent $400 on dental work for her. And by "dental work" I mean they put her under, yanked out 7 teeth and cleaned the rest. Apparently her teeth were all rotting.... oopsy. Looks like JBird was missing a couple of teeth as well.



2008: Freakin' adorable kids.



And now, the moment I'm sure you've been waiting for since this post began.....

2009: I think that is our new pose. The one we can recreate every year. And yeah, TBone ate it on the sidewalk running home from the bus on Friday. It adds to the mothery theme here, me thinks. That second pic down there is way off kilter in so many ways but I kinda like it. Dunno why.




So I did have a loverly Mother's Day this year. With a couple of speed bumps........

Outburst #1

The primary children went up to sing their Mother's Day song in Sacrament Meeting (Love is Spoken here, btw). For whatever reason, TBone was right there at the pulpit microphone. Luckily it was turned off but he held it down to his mouth and sang into it as if it were on. I eyed him cautiously just praying the thing didn't accidentally turn on for a second. It didn't. But TBone got swept up in the "power of the mic", I guess, cuz at the end of the song, right as the kids were all going to sit with their parents...... he yells..... "THAT'S ALL, FOLKS!" It took me a couple of seconds to register that that was TBone's voice I just heard and by the time I did, I looked around and everyone was looking at me and giggling. I started laughing so hard I had tears. And I guarantee my face was beet red. So embarassing yet funny. I should have disciplined him, however cuz.....

Outburst #2

The final speaker was speaking on, what else?, mothers. He was talking about how much mothers do and part of it went something like "mothers teach their kids to cook and then MAKE them cook.... they teach their kids to clean and then MAKE them clean...." And right then (you knew it was coming) Tanner yells out "THAT'S THIS MOM RIGHT HERE!" as he is pointing at me. This is where the funny left and only the embarassment remained. Who yells stuff from the audience?? He got a taste of it earlier, saw some giggles and was chasing that high again, I guess. This time there were harsher whispers in his ear and a hand over his mouth. He cried a little and said he was "only trying to say something nice about you!" Uh-huh. A friend of mine said later that she was just impressed he was listening to the talk. I guess that is one way of looking at it.

Thank goodness Standsdad (and Standsmom) had invited us over for a delicious brunch after church. I stuffed myself silly and ate my cares away. We then went home and I got my annual nap, finished a book and received my gift from Gty.... 4 hours of HIM cleaning. I'm trying to decide if I should have him do the bathrooms the next 8 times or waste it all in one shot and make him clean the basement.

Decisions, decisions.....


All in all, a great Mother's Day. One for the books even.

AI Results Show: Paula Goes Coconuts

Fave Quotes From The Night:

"Who will graduate from the 'School of Rock'.... and who will just get schooled?"

"I heard you can get my scream as a ringtone and stuff."

"Gentlemen, I'm just here for the music!"

"Allison ees goin to be a beeg estar."

I'll make this short and sweet, people.

Slash= needs to get some personality and some conditioner and lose the top hat (it is so 1992).
Paula= who needs two microphones to lip sync? I can't believe she is judging our contestants. It's so wrong.
No Dizzoubt= rockin' it old school the right way ::lookin' at Slash's top hat and shaking my head::
Hometown Visit Footage= why do I always get teary when I see Eliot Yamin's mom getting emotional in that car? Love when Archie is like "Where did they all park?" I forgot Fantasia was even on this show.
KRIS IS SAFE= me resting easy and enjoying the rest of the show.
Daughtry= Love him. So so so so happy for him. The following is to answer a question posed by Flemmy (aka A Concerned Listener, btw).

He has been married to Deanna Robertson since November 2000. He has two children: a stepdaughter, Hannah Price b. July 1998, from his wife's previous marriage, and an adopted son, Griffin Daughtry b. January 2000. In a December 2007 interview with Gibson Lifestyle. Daughtry said, "I used to call [my wife] and just quickly throw in the towel. But I’ve found that the less I say and the more I actually listen to her, and just be there without actually being there, is the best thing I can do. As a man, I always feel like I need to say something. Sometimes I have to stop myself because all I want to do is call and tell her about how much awesome stuff is going on in my life, and, you know, her day is sucking hard. I could write a book on it, I’m serious.”

<sup>ADAM IS SAFE=Not surprised.

DANNY SAFE/ALLISON GONE= this is so how it should be. It's hard to beat being likable. Danny is, Allison is not. Did you see that shot of Danny looking lovingly as she was singing her final song? I'm thinking Memzy wasn't just imagining the groping during the food fight.



Next week it gets dicey, you gize!!!! We haven't had an unpredictable week for a long time.

Another duet with Adam...</sup>

AI:Rock-N-Roll

The judges are trying to screw this whole thing up. They are liars and jerkfaces. And I hate them.

I thought Slash was a mute before this. Srsly.

I've been Slash many times in Guitar Hero. He's not that great.

The duets..... I'm liking this concept. But how dare they make them come up with a song on their own? Lamerz. The judges should have picked their duet songs.

Adam
"Whole Lotta Love" Led Zepplin

Hmmmm.... well? Ummmm..... yeah..... so....... I saw him pelve the mic stand. There, I said it and it's out in the open now. I did not approve of that move but I think overall he didn't sound like a complete moron taking on a Led Zepplin song. He struts around that stage like he owns the place, that is for sure. Such confidence. I will say, however, that during that acapella part I was embarrassed watching it. And when he danced along with the guitar solo? Ugh. But he was in his element. And thank goodness Slash told him to not improvise so much in his "upper register." I wonder what it originally sounded like?

Allison
"Cry Baby" Janis Joplin

She went to ADAM'S HAIR GIRL? He has a hair girl? I don't know why that threw me for a loop. It makes perfect sense, but still. I think she sang the song well but I kind of lost interest half way through.... started playing a game on my phone (Flood It... totally addictive), etc. And the judges saying it was a bad song choice was kind of slamming Slash, wasn't it? I mean, he told her to do that song, right? Rood. I bet Slash won't come back again. Oh, and Allison? Yeah, too much talking this time. Ssssshhhhhhh.....

DUET: Kris v. Danny
"Renegade" Styx

Loved the harmony here. Kris way outsang Gokey. Not even close. Plus, and Memzy finds this extremely attractive, Gokey was dancing sooooooper dorky. Kris knew how to beebop and not look like an idiot. Plus, way awkward high five between the two of them at the end. It was like "Hey man... " "Oh yeah... good job dude." Also, Simon is an idiot & is attempting to skew the minds of America in Gokey's direction. This was the first clue this evening.

Kris
"Come Together" The Beatles

Why had I forgotten he was from Arkansas? So doesn't fit. Holy awesome song. I love The Beatles & I particularly love this song for some reason. I thought he did the perfect amount of staying true to the original and changing it up a bit. He almost sounded Pearl Jammy there a few times. Loved it. Did he say he almost "peed his pants" while playing guitar with Slash? So endearing. Kara is a B. Paula has obviously been reading the Twilight series cuz she said Kris imprinted on the song. Simon said it was safe? Chyaaaa right! And Randy said.... I don't remember/care. Point is, Kris looked worried for the first time ever and I wanted to weep for him.

Danny
"Dream On" Aerosmith

He looks exHAUSTED. Srsly... half dead. And then after hearing his performance I wished I was dead. Worst. Performance. Ever. My ears were screaming in pain on that refrain + ending note. So so so so bad. But then, oh? What do you know? The judges go super easy on him and give him props for "taking a chance" and "being edgy." No no no no no no no.... not falling for it! He couldn't hack rock week. That's the bottom line. On the week that he couldn't be boring and predictable, he sucked. Tonight we saw Gokey's limits and it wasn't pretty.

DUET: Adam v. Allison
"Slow Ride" Foghat

First of all, I dominate this song on Guitar Hero. I can almost make it through on the expert level. B) I loved this performance. They both seemed like rock veterans up there doing a farewell tour or something. And their huge hug at the end was in stark contrast to the awkward high five K & D exchanged. Very enjoyable all round.

WHO NEEDS TO GO:
Danny

WHO BETTER NOT GO:
Kris

Slacking on the Blog Plus Offenses

I'm in one of those transitional periods where I need to find some balance.

I have a new obsession that makes me extremely happy.... it's podcasting. I can't get enough. I love doing them, listening to them a brazillion times, seeing them post to iTunes, etc. I don't do anything fancy, just a friend of mine and I sitting and chatting but who knew that could be so magical?

The only problem is, it's cutting into my blogging time. I need to find a balance.

The good news is, if you're missing me feel free to click the links over to the right there under "Anderson Family Broadcasting" and give them a listen. Or search AFB in the iTunes Store. It's basically a live blog. Rather than sitting in front of your computer reading this you could be folding your laundry or cleaning a bathroom while listening to a much better version of this. If you're not missing me then perfect. No harm, no foul.

I've recently done another one with both Memzy & Jespy and have a couple lined up this week with Standsmom and Katie Eagle-Not-Goleta. I'd also recommend The G-Bone Show.... to your husbands. Lollerz. Or if you want to get some sports knowledge dropped on you in an entertaining way then The G-Bone Show is for you.

Also, if you want to be a guest (lookin' at you Markie) or have a comment email afbpodcast at gmail.com. I'd also love to have some questions to answer (either me or my interviewees) if you've got 'em.

I recently recieved an email from an avid listener.... it reads....

Complaint

I think the word "jagbag" is overused on your show. I think it might be offensive to some people.

-- A concerned listener

Is this serious? Jagbag is one of the greatest words I've ever had the privilage of hearing. It's definitely a "Thompson Boys" (Gty's cousin) word, at least they were the first people I know to use it. It is good on so many levels.

1) It sounds like it should be totally offensive or considered swearing... and yet it's not. Jag.... what is that? A sharp projection? A period of overindulgence in an activity? (i.e. a crying jag). Nothing wrong there. A bag.... something you carry things in. Sometimes with two handles, sometimes with one. Jag + bag= a fun way to call someone or something a stupid jerk.

How is this offensive?

2) It also just rolls off the tongue. Most likely because it rhymes. But try it with a thick Chicago accent where the "a" says it's own name. JaygBayg. Heavenly.

After texting "A concerned listener" it turns out they were under the impression that it might be a racial slur. What does he/she take me for? Then he/she checked some racial slur database (yes, a database full of racial slurs does exist.... who's offensive now?) and it's not on there. Take that Concerned Listener! I did learn, however, that as a whitey I should be offended by terms such as 8mile and Afro-Saxon (when I'm trying to act all ghetto, yo) and Abe Lincoln, Anglo, Aryan, BaconBits, Belegana (means "silly white person" in Navajo), Betty Crocker (I'd LOVE to be called Betty Crocker!), BirdTurd.... and that is only to the Bs people!

So many things can be considered offensive if you let them, and yet are not. Don't let jagbag be one of those things. It's too..... good.