Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Emotional Outburst

Some emotions have been surfacing lately.   I've always considered myself quite dead inside but I think I'm morphing into a ball of goo.   This isn't a bad thing....it's just something.  

One event which has spurred this on a bit is the reality of my favorite MIL being diagnosed with breast cancer.  We've been on the complete cycle of emotions with this.  Shock....denial...greif....acceptance...determination.... that's where we are right now.  She had her surgery yesterday to remove the cancer & lymph nodes and, after recovering from that, she will begin chemo/radiation treatments for a few months.  The surgery went well.  No surprises.  The doctors expect the treatments to work splendidly with no further complications.  I will keep you posted, of course.

Gty's sisters, mom and I had a "Girls Trip" planned to Vegas but that needed to be changed due to the recent events with Mary's health.  So we switched it up to the weekend before last in SLC.  We stayed at the Embassy Suites down by The Gateway (free made-to-order breakfast!), went out to eat,  and chatted for the entire weekend.  It was thoroughly enjoyable.  4am two nights in a row did take a good week to recover from but it was totally worth it.  

Anyway, on Sunday my MIL and SIL needed to get back to Logan and left at about noon.  My other SIL flew out at 2pm.  That left Shelly & I to putter around SLC until my flight left at 5pm that evening.  So we set out on an adventure to find Elizabeth Smart's house.  K, not really, but we did want to go drive around her neighborhood because the homes there up by the University of Utah are amazing.  We did manage to find Larry Miller's house and it did not disappoint.  Yowza.  

Then, as we were driving back down out of the neighborhood, we happened upon a cemetery.  Shelly thought this might be where some prominent LDS leaders had been buried.  

Shelly was right.

We saw this:

And this:

Which were amazing.  But then I walk around a corner and BAM I see this...

... and apparently this image immediately pops into my head...

... because I immediately start bawling.  Oh how I love that man.  Apparently more than I realized because the tears would not be stopped.   It was truly amazing to stand there looking at his headstone.  If you are ever in that area I highly recommend you find that cemetery and experience this for yourself. 

Here I am standing by the larger marker:

I also thought of cute Marjorie who I adore as well.  I want to be her when I grow up.  I love this quote from her:

“I don’t want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails. I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. I want to be there with grass stains on my shoes from mowing Sister Schenk’s lawn. I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbor’s children. I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone’s garden. I want to be there with children’s sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder. I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived.”

How could you not love her?

Anyway, I don't want to say it was better than attending church on that Sabbath day, but it was better than some church meetings I've been to.  That is for sure.  

In the mean time I've recently acquired this image and have big plans of getting it printed & framed somewhere in my house.  I can't get enough of these candid shots.  

Speaking of emotional meltdowns, I dare you to go HERE and read this blog post and not bawl your eyes out.   Do not scroll down and breeze through the photos.  READ.  EVERY.  WORD.  Watch it unfold.  Do not cheat yourself out of this one.  It's a 7 minute novel. 


Flem said...

I always thought you were dead inside too--except when it comes to your family of course. So no surprise that this would bring out your emotion.

I do love the pic of you at a cemetery enjoying past prophets, very unexpected and sweet. I might have to cruise cemeteries from now on, you never know what you will find.

Eek said...

Sorry to hear that about your MIL. That is scary! Glad the surgery went well and hopefully everything else will too.

I am soooooooooo glad I wasn't there when you cried. Those kind of moments are very awkward for me. At first I would just pretend I was very interested in something in the distance and if you keep crying I would probably pat you on the back awkwardly and tell you he is in a better place. Phew! Lets never go to SLC together!

Cristin said...

jeeeeeeeeez, thanks for making me cry before work. sniff sniff. All of those things made me cry. We're dealing with breast cancer in our family, I'm so glad that things went well with your mil's surgery.

I love love love our prophets but especially Gordon B. Hinkley, I still miss him.

I read that website a few months ago...I still think about it occasionally.... sniff sniff.

Memzy said...

I'm really glad to hear about the surgery going well. Sounds like it will be a long, tough road tho. Eeka made me lollerz! You do seem different on the blogging world lately. So I can totally picture you breaking down in the cemetery. It's just like the airport missionary breakdown of '95. That pic of TBM is to die for. I love it.

Memzy said...

Btw, I took your dare and read every word of that story. But I must really be dead inside cuz I didn't cry at ALL. But I loved the story and that baby is to die for cute!

ManicMandee said...

Loved your posts here. You're a great person :)

StandsMom said...

I have noticed a little softer-ness going on. I pretend I can't tell, or that it's tooootally like it always is and then secretly grin to myself later. Things are switching up a lot around here these days. It's causing me to do some looking around too. I've been surprised recently at my emotions over things, like when my sil miscarried, it just made me cry and cry. Or when you first told me about Mary. I immediately wanted to cry and almost started to cry but thought you would think I was weird for crying over YOUR mil and so I sucked it all back up and payed closer attention to gymnastics class. I know if I had seen Pres. Hinckley's grave I would have bawled my eyes out too. I love him so much. Ok and then that story you linked to? SO not fair! Especially right now while I'm flipping Honey's world upside down and telling him we need to have number 4. You know how it is. Deep inside there's always this fear that something won't go the way you expect and I think with every child the fear gets worse. Or maybe Honey and I won't ever see eye to eye and we won't ever have a number 4. Who knows. But yeah - thanks for the cry this morning. Easier to hide when you're sick and you're blowing your nose all the time anyway. :)

Oh, and you truly are an angel for taking over this week. I owe you BIG TIME!

jillEjam said...

Thanks for typing that quote. It's the perfect picture of a woman. I'm sorry to hear about you MIL. I pray everything will go the best for her and your family.

Kelli said...

My parents live right near there - you can see Larry Miller's house from their deck.

In any case, we drive past that cemetery all the time (is it the one down the hill from Larry?). I would never have guessed that's where those people were buried. I will definitely go check it out next time I'm there.

I'm sorry to hear about your MIL. I will join my prayers with yours for a quick and full recovery. Not to get too personal, but I'm headed to the temple tonight and will put her name on the prayer roll.

Landee said...

Thanks you gize for all the nice words about my MIL. She is one of my idols, no question.

Yes, Kelli...that cemetery right there! You guys must go check it out the next time you are there. We were thinking of taking the grandkids there, walking around to all the headstones and telling a story about each prophet/"famous person" we could find. Shelly seemed to think there was some kind of a map you can get of that cemetery to see who is there. I think the kids would love it. Or most of them anyway. ::looking at Tbone::

And, Memzy, you are probably just partially dead inside. I had to ignore all the annoying fanfare surrounding the birth (profesh photog, champagne glasses, favors to hand out, 20 people all dressed up to witness the birth, etc) in order to get right down to it...but then I realized that is why it is so moving. That mother was obviously a complete diva. And then the unexpected.... I don't know. For me it was poignant. The line "Love me. Love me. I'm not what you expected, but oh, please love me." with the accompanying photo rocked me. I'm not going to follow that blog or anything, but that post was incredible.

Eeka, let's get together and have a good cry sometime, ok? PS will you please at least do a post when the little one arrives? It's the least you could do.

Jill, right? Btw, I'm pretending I didn't see your Hunger Games post. It just has to be that way. I can't comment. I'm sure you understand. :)

Cristin, who has breast cancer in your family? It's scary stuff. I hate it.

Stands, stop smiling secretly about me! You're weird. But yeah, my opinion is that baby is the best thing to ever happen to her. Touching touching touching.

Flem, I like to keep you on your toes. But I wouldn't just cruise any ol' cemetery. It just wouldn't be the same as the one where GBH is.

MM, good to see you! Thanks for the comment!

Carol said...

Great post--loved the poignant thoughts and great pictures. I always knew you were mushy inside, so no surprise there. That birth story was very moving mostly for the lessons learned. Watching others "learn lessons" helps when it's our turn. Love you

marcikay said...

Tiff - been to that cemetery a number of times.

I. Love. It.

All but I believe 4 of the prophets are buries there. And yes, they do give out a map, it's quite the hike, actually. Totally worth every second!

Krissy said...

If you are highly emotional then don't watch AI from Wednesday night. I bawled my eyes out. It's probably too late for the warning...

I am glad your MIL's surgery went well. I love that shot of Pres. Monson. Where did you get it?

Jenny ESP said...

Dry your eyes, little padawan. I had the same emotional outburst when I saw that your plans for Vegas had changed, but that was my selfish side outbursting. I do enjoy a softer, gentler Landee from time to time. ::petting your hair:: One who blogs about crafts and death. ::murmuring words of comfort:: But I hope you can muster up some of your trademark snark for your up-coming AI commentary posts. I dearly love them.

PS. I am so very sorry about your Millie. I hope she recovers and feels better soon. I know how much you and GTY love her. Keep me posted.

Princess Kimi said...

I never thought you were dead inside but I thought it was just our secret. You have now ruined it. I think about your Millie all the time and know she will be fine. KNOW. But you are a jerk for this whole post. Let that be known. Oh and I will not click that link. Too soon after Wednesdays Idol. too. soon.

Janice said...

I loved the story. I was actually holding together pretty good until the picture of the babies fingers around the fathers finger. Then I lost it. I always wondered during each of my pregnancies if that would be one of our challenges. The Lord truly blessed us with 5 exceptional babies. I love you, Landee... Mom