AI: Best Night Ever...

...for that fiddler dude.

Did you see him and his highlighted bob haircut??? He was in 5 out of the 6 songs! Earlier this season when I told him this wasn't about him I was wrong.

He made it to the finale

And he played that fiddle like...well, like a fiddle.

So congrats to him.

As for the rest...well, you know my feelings on the matter.

The one bright spot? David Cook and that 4 second shot of David Archuletta in the crowd. Made me long for the days of yore.

AI: Top 3

I'm in a bit of a shame spiral right now.

I actually liked Scotty's first two songs last night.  

I didn't want to.  But his boyish charms won me over.  For two songs.  Then the last song I hated which felt good.   My guess is he will win this thing.  If he can make a curmudgeon like myself smile in spite of myself, what did he do to all of America?  Oh well.  I did love being reminded Baby Lock Them Doors though.  I laughed and laughed.  By myself.  So....anyway.

Haley.  Was.  Awesome.  I LOVED her dad out there.  It made me get a little emotional thinking about how amazing that must have been for them both.  Her songs were cool.  She is cool.  I can't even believe she is the same person who had that red lipstick smudged all over her chin from the microphone.  She was practically a baby then!  Now she's all growed up.  Her fall was nervous-making for me but the judges were so good about it.  Steven Tyler made me cry a little too when he said "It's not how many times you fall, but how many times you get back up."  I know it's cliche but it was a totally cute thing to say right then.  And she did carry on with very little disruption.    I'm always worried about those girls bounding up & down those stairs in those crazy heels though.  FINALLY my worries were for a good reason!  Loved her Stevie Nicks song too.  And I liked the chorus of You Outta Know but the verses seemed a bit low for her.  I have no idea what kind of album she'll put out.  Should be interesting.

Lauren.  First song = two thumbs down.  Second song= I can't even remember what it was cuz she's so forgettable.  Third song= ANYONE can sing I Hope You Dance and sound good.  That's why people like it so much.  Even I can wail that song in my car and sound amazing.  I give her no props for that one.

So, the bottom line is LAUREN better be gonzo tonight.  Because if we have an all country finale I just might shoot myself/not blog about it.

AI: FINAL FOUR

Topic #1:  Randy is mean and stupid.  And a bad dresser.  But mostly mean & stupid.  Proof of stupidness ... if he says "in it to win it" one more time I may throw whatever is near by through my TV.  If he says he feels like he's at one of the contestant's concerts again I may groan myself to death.  Proof of meanness... him saying after round one that it was a tie for first between everyone but Haley.  I don't even think Simon has ever been so mean.  Gty said it reminded him of a time when his friend Matt said to another kid "One of us stinks, and it's not me."   

Topic #2:  Lady Gaga is skuuurrrrry.  I bet Scotty was scared out of his mind to go have to look at her royal creepiness.  Why was I thinking she would show up there looking half way normal?  Yikes.  And gross.

Topic #3: Leiber & Stoller... your songs are lame.

Topic #4: I'm sorry I didn't blog about last week's performances.  Especially since it was the one we have all been waiting for.... buh-bye Jacob!

Now, let's proceed to some random thoughts on each contestant tonight.

James

By far the winner tonight (not even tied with Scotty & Lauren).  He killed Don't Stop Believing.  I was actually glad that Stupid Mean Randy (as he shall henceforth be known) pointed out the difficulty of that song because James makes it seem so easy.  I loved it.   Even his rocked out version of Love Potion #9 had me smiling.  He is Adam Lambert without the.... you know (::whispering::  guyliner).

Haley

She looked like she was so pissed she was going to cry there after her first song.  Stupid Mean Randy totally piled on the criticism unnecessarily BUT she shouldn't have been arguing her case with the judges.  Just smile and say you did your best and you were moved by your song and that's it.  But she has some spunk which I like.  That song was a terrible choice though.  Really... of all the songs you pick that one?  It might show some poor judgement (like her unreleased Gaga song she did...why?).  I did enjoy her dramatic I, Who Have Nothing song though and I've never heard that one before.  I hope America remembers that one the most.

Scotty

I've gone from tolerating the lad to despising him in one show.  That Alan Jackson song is everything that I hate about country music.  Lame, cheesy, unoriginal lyrics combined with an unbelievable amount of twang.  I had to kiss my own cross when he finished because I felt so yucky.  And then his second song??  What in the County Fair was he doing?  Totally lame, cheesy & unoriginal.  Yes, he & country music were made for each other.  I wish them well.  

Lauren

I can actually handle this kind of cross-over country stuff.  I thought Lauren looked great singing Anyway by Martina McBride and she sounded really really good.  I liked it.  The second song?  Notsomuch.  Really bad outfit I couldn't take my eyes off of and really cheesy performance.  Plus, did Leiber & Stoller not write any other songs that didn't have the word "evil" in it?  I mean, if you're that uncomfortable with it, pick another song, right?  That was weird and, once again, reminded me of her subpar personality.  

Bottom Two:  Lauren & Haley

Going home: Lauren (hoping she & Scotty split the country votes)

A Mother's Day Questionnaire

{photo taken today after church}

Happy Mother's Day!  This has been "one for the books" as they say.

This morning started out fairly awful as I had a "run in" with TBone.  What it was about is unimportant but, needless to say it ended with me freaking out and taking away everything that is near and dear to him... namely his DSi.  He was screaming "I hate my family!" and the like for a good 20 minutes afterward.  I know these things happen but when it happens on Mother's Day it is an immediate and sharp reminder that I suck as a Mom.  I had no business reacting the way I did and I felt awful.  But I was still mad.  Things were not looking good for Mother's Day 2011.

We then go to church & TBone glared at me from the stand as the Primary sang their Mother's Day songs.  Awesome.  (Luckily JBird and Beebs were smiling and pointing at me as the words said "all flowers remind me of you.")

But then, during the last hour of church, someone tapped me on the shoulder and handed me a Mother's Day Questionnaire TBone had filled out during his Sunday School class.  Due to our current standing with each other I was very nervous to read it...not to mention my guilt over that morning was at an all time high at that moment.... and here is what I read (I left the spelling as is):

Why did God make mothers?  To be helpfull
How did God make mothers?  He mixed awsomeness with hair
What ingredients are mothers made of?  sugar and spice and everything nice
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?  we're both crazy
What kind of little girl was your mom?  I have no idea
What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?  How he would raise the kids
Why did your mom marry your dad? she was crazy
Who's the boss at your house?  Mom
What's the difference between moms and dads?  ones a girl ones a boy
What does your mom do in her spare time?  blog
What would it take to make your mom perfect?  zero
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?  zero


Zero.... I started crying and didn't stop.   He then came in to find me after church and handed me a card he had colored in class.  All it said on the inside was "Sorry Mom."  I hugged him, said I was sorry too & we've been best friends ever since.

Ah, motherhood.


So,  how has your day been?

AI: Carole King Week

Carole King and Babyface.  Of course.  That makes total sense.

This will be my abbreviated thoughts on the subject at hand tonight.  And I won't be putting on their pictures.  If you don't know these people by name now then I don't know what to tell you.

JACOB

"Oh No, Not My Baby"

• No amount of decent, in tune singing and distracting plaid sport coat will get rid of that personality.  

LAUREN

"Where You Lead"

• Who told her to pull some random guy out of the audience?  I hate that.  It's distracting.  The whole time I'm wondering "What is he going to do now?  Sit there?"  and "How long will he be there...is she going to go back to him at some point?"  "Is that her brother or something?"  "Will she tell him when to leave or what?"   
• I was so distracted by the dude I don't even know how she sang the song but the judges loved her voice cracking. Wha?

CASEY & HALEY

"I Feel the Earth Move"

• Um yeah.... they're doin' it.

SCOTTY

"You Got A Friend"

• This was actually quite refreshing.  I was sooooo sick & tired of the same ole, same ole from him.  Babyface worked a miracle here.

JAMES

"Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow"

• Jimmy has a man crush on James.
• I'm developing a bit of a regular crush on him myself.  He was so nice about Scotty and then gushed about his wife afterward... plus the singing & guitar playing.
• This is where he differs from Adam Lambert.  AL could never have pulled something like this off.  
• I loved this performance.  He might be my favorite at this moment.

LAUREN & SCOTTY

"Up On the Roof"

• Um yeah.... nothing is going on between these two adorable virgins.

CASEY

"Hi-De-Ho"

• Entertaining & edgy but so not my thing.  I would never turn this on in the car.  Never.  
• I still like him but..... eh.

HALEY

"Beautiful"

• She is blossoming right before our very eyes!!  I think Casey is probably the cause.
• I really liked this performance, minus the intense arm waving she had going on.

JAMES & JACOB

"I'm In For Something Good"

• Two dudes should NEVER sing a duet together.  Especially if one of the dudes is Jacob.

BOTTOM THREE:

Haley

Lauren

Jacob

GONZO:  JACOB

AI: 21st Century

I must address that opening number from the cast offs.

::said in british accent like Simon::  What.  Was.  That?   Abysmal with a capital A.

Why did they feel the need to put us through that?  First of all, I had all but forgotten every single one of them.  Three of the girls I didn't even recognize, let alone remember their names.  And Paul.  Oh PAUL.  Wha?  The only words he even knew were "I wanna start a fight!" at the end.  The rest he just mumbled.  Off key.  Terrible.  

K, let's hop to it.  It's late.

SCOTTY

Swingin' by LeAnn Rimes

Good: the low part.  His deep voice is a force to be reckoned with.  So glad they mocked the way he holds his mic, btw.

Bad Stuff:  The eyebrow waggling.  Why must he?  Stop it.  He's a 50 year old trapped in a 17 year old's body.

Whatever Stuff:  Yes, it was "safe" but if that's not the very word that describes country music then I don't know what is.  Country music panders to the lowest common denominator in this country.  Not to generalize here but I'm talking rednecks, back woods honkey tonks and white trash.   Ha!  I kid.  (not really tho)  What I'm saying is there are no unsafe country songs.  Try and name one.... see?  All safe.  It's what they do.

JAMES

Uprising by Muse

Good: I may be a bit biased because I LOVE that song but song choice was huge here.  It fit him like the proverbial glove.  Very very cool performance.  I found myself smiling through the whole thing.

Bad Stuff:  That get up he was wearing seemed so out of place with his normal colored mouse-brown hair.

Whatever Stuff:  Were the marching band people really necessary?  ::shrugging shoulders::

HALEY

Rolling In The Deep by Adele

Good:  I think this is the first night that I've thought to myself "She belongs here."  I really like how distinct and different her voice is while still being really good.  She is growing on me in a big way.  Loved her dress & hair too.

Bad Stuff:  I got nothin'.

Whatever Stuff: Are she & Casey really dating?  Someone send me a link.  I'm too lazy to google.

JACOB

Dance With My Father by Luther Vandross

Good:  I got nothin'.

Bad Stuff: I have lots of "this explains things" jokes but I can't use them because I'd look like a jerk.  I have a sneaking suspicion that at least 50% of his "emotions" up there were fake.  He is the divaiest divafied diva to have ever graced the AI stage.  His tears were out of frustration because his ear piece wasn't playing the right thing...nothing to do with his Dad.

Whatever stuff:  Did he call everyone a "sweetie pie?"  He's lame.  And un-creative.

CASEY

Harder to Breathe by Maroon 5

Good:  I rewound and watched and laughed my head off at the part where he slaps James and chases Scotty about 10 times.  That kid killlllls me.  He's so Jack Black-y, which I love.  Maybe he can find a less attractive partner and they can be the Tenacious E?  Loved what he did with the song.  Very cool.

Bad:  Kissing JLo.  C'mon Casey.  That was....weird.

Whatever stuff:  Casey is the guy who I look at and wonder what he's going to look like 5 years from now after being in "the biz" for a while.   Will he be all clean cut, chiseled and Hollywood-ized?  Or will he go all Nick Nolte/Marlon Brando?  Cuz there is no in between.  He will be changed.  We just don't know in what way.

STEFANO

Closer by Ne-Yo

Good:

Bad Stuff:  Oh my gosh.  No no no.  Bad bad bad.  Gross gross gross.  Was I the only one disgusted by how schmoozy and greasy he is with the ladies??  And then his facial expressions on stage?  And his "moves?"  Yuck.    And the judges didn't call him on any of it.  Tonight I missed Simon.  He would have had NONE of that.

Whatever Stuff:  I needed to take a shower after watching that.

LAUREN

Born to Fly by Sara Evans

Good:  Her hair looked good and that outfit was cute.

Bad Stuff:  Eh....she's so booooring.  Forgettable even.  The song was so-so.  I think she has zero personality too.  It could be an age thing but really, I just think she's boring.  She's lucky she has Stefano this week to take the fall for her.

Whatever Stuff:  Someone needed to have a little sit-down with that fiddler player and explain to him that this performance had nothing to do with him.  He practically elbowed poor Lauren out of the way.

Bottom Three:  Lauren, Stefano, Jacob (hoping people aren't all mushy over the dad dying thing)

Going home: STEFANO (easiest pick I've ever made)

AI: Guest Blogger!

In an act of true heroism, my underbar SIL is filling in for me this week at the very last second.  I haven't been able to watch this week's AI yet, let alone mock it.  You people were probably dying for a fresh perspective anyway... well Chrissi delivers!


Thank you, Chrissi.  You are the wind beneath my wings. And I love Joe's inputs as well.  

 I didn't know I was going to be the guest blogger until after it was over, so it's going to be the take-away, not the in the moment details.  I would appreciate if Tiff would add the pictures, but please not the one of Jacob as the devil, since I wouldn't go that far. :)
 

 Might I first begin with a few notes about Pia.  There has been all sorts of buzz about changing the voting so that America votes and the judges make the final decision. Even Pia in an interview said she thought the judges should have some say.  Okay, that would be, in the voice of Antoine Dodson, "so dumb, for real."  It would ruin the show. They did have their say, like when they did a billion auditions and selected the top 24 and then 3 bonus people. Pia was pretty, she could sing, but if you didn't already know the song, you would have no idea what she was singing about.  She sang words, not stories or feelings. no connection.
You need to be quirky in someway to get a passionate voting fan-base, and she was just too boring.

Soooo, I will now discuss who I think has fans that will sit by the phone for two hours and hit redial.

Jacob: Loved that Jimmy what's-his-butt lectured him on not lecturing America. Jacob looked humbled... and then sang about his troubled waters. His voice. my goodness, that voice. that range. crazy incredible.  In my 9 yr old's words last week, "He's emotional."
He will not be in the bottom three this week, because his fans were so frightened by his close call that they will redial in all their holy southern glory.

Haley: Ridiculously dumb song. There are a total of three words, and three notes in the song. dumb. But that outfit was By Far her best ever. If I looked like her and could wear stuff like that, I totally would. She's been safe for two weeks, and her fans are not as passionate as they once were.  Joe think she has Pia's votes. I think Pia's peeps quit voting. Bottom Three

Casey: The judges did a standing-O because they wanted to trick America into thinking that was an awesome performance. He is a brilliant musician For Sure. He plays that base without even thinking about it, but the vocals This Week were lame. I think his fans love him as much or more than some of the other fans love their person, but I don't see Jazz people sitting by the phone for two hours. Still, safe.

Lauren: her worst performance. She's good, but I just don't see a star in her. not sure who's taking the time to vote for her, really. the country folks are voting for Scotty, I'd think.

James: Not his best. I think he's probably a favorite of many. I don't see the 40 somethings voting (Joe is a great example. He likes him a lot, but has not picked-up the phone once).
This is not meant to be rude AT ALL, but I'm sure the autistic kids will sit and vote for 2 hours.  He is to Autism and Turrets, as Jimmer is to Mormons.  I would sit and vote for Jimmer for two hours. In fact, I did. and I cheered and cried and wondered if he'd like me if we met. James is safe.

Scotty: Not his best, but his fans started calling yesterday.

Stefano: I thought, originally, that he had the David Archuleta girls, but Stefano is not adorable like I had thought.  He is not engaging like he wants to be. I don't know if you can learn to be engaging in a week; he's just cute and can sing.  Bottom Three

Paul: I still love him, Joe hates him. I think his fans will keep him safe tonight.

So Bottom: Stefano, Lauren, and Haley (Joe thinks Paul here, for the record)
Stefano goes home.

loves to you all!!! Chrissi