Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Smart Remarks: Breaking Dawn

DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE NOT READ BREAKING DAWN

I will be discussing the fourth book of the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer in the following post. This is to go along with a book club established by ajesplin I butted my way into recently. I've left some of my comments in other people's posts (i.e. here and here) but I thought I'd expound upon those and flush it all out of my system because I'm all kindza backed up over this.

First of all, let me preface all of this by saying there is no way Stephenie Meyer was going to be able to satisfy everyone. And by everyone, I mean me. My expectations were too high. I was too emotionally involved. I had no perspective. I didn't even know what I wanted to have happen in this fourth (I refuse to say final book, more on that later) book but I could sense as soon as I had it in my hands, that I was going to be let down a bit. It's not Stephenie's fault. It's mine. It's the classic "It's not you, it's me" stuff.

So, let's debrief, shall we? Let's begin with the annoyances because that is usually more fun. Stephenie overuses a few words that drive me insane. These words are "hissed" "growled" "beautiful" and "flanks." I plan on sending her a Thesaurus or at least a link to Thesaurus.com here in the near future. I really hate the word hissed. I mean, it's one thing if someone hisses something but all these vampires do is sit around and hiss at the mention of someone's name or hiss because someone said something they don't agree with. It bugs. Am I the only one here?

Sorry, but if there were even RUMORS that a vampire and a human could procreate why didn't Carlisle give Edward "the talk" and give him a 25cent insurance policy!! Come on people!... I mean, vampires!! I thought being a brazillion years old meant you knew a thing or two about stuff.... and a DOCTOR to boot! And don't tell me they didn't know that was possible because they found that whipper-snapper down in South America pretty durn quick. I mean, all the rest of this crap is totally believable but THAT I simply cannot accept.

On that same note, I have been thoroughly impressed with Stephenie's ability to create feelings of intimacy & desire without having Edward & Bella do anything more than make out on occassion. Well, good bye innocence! Freakin A!!!! As I mentioned in the comments before, I cannot believe the amount of gettin-it-on that there is in this book! I pray the teenage girls who don't know any better won't know where to let their mind go to (i.e. the exact moment/reason Edward had to bite that pillow) but I sure did. I wonder if she has gotten any flack for that. Hmmmm....

So this leads me to loverly Renesme. Sorry, did I say loverly? I meant creepy & weird. The last thing I would want is for BeeBee to put her hand on my cheek and for me to see her pooing on the potty for me to understand what she needed. And the fact that she preferred that way of communication to speaking was rather odd. If they ever make a movie for Breaking Dawn I think a prefect casting choice would be that kid who played Chuckie. And don't even get me started on the NAME Renesme. I couldn't pronounce it. Every time it came up I would say it differently. I wish Bella would have just let everyone call her Nessie... or even Nessa is cute. Uh, Nessa, oh Nessa I've got something to confessa reason why, well, why I asked you here toniiiiight..... oops.... that's me singing Wicked. Nevermind.

Next, I do not understand why Stephenie introduced us to, what, 20+ characters here at the supposed END to the series. That makes no sense whatsoever. The only way this series will end is when the Cullens somehow destroy the Volturi. There are too many loose ends here for this to be the last. That said, if this is her last book for realz, I will never forgive her and she is going to have to live with that for the rest of her life.

Now moving on to the things I enjoyed.... really, you'd think by reading so far that it was torture for me to read this book. The reality is that I had it read in about 3 days. I stayed up late even when I could not afford to do so because I was so enraptured in this book.

I loved the chapters from Jacob. I heart Jacob. Edward's "coldness" just doesn't do it for me. If I wanted to hug a statue I'd go out and hug the life-sized David I have out in the garden. But I don't, cuz I don't like it. Jacob's heat is appealing to me, as is his goofiness and immaturity. Sense of humor is huge in my book and I'm going to go on the record as saying Edward has none. My favorite chapter headers from Jacob were "Why Didn't I Just Walk Away? Oh, Right, Because I'm An Idiot" and "You Know Things Are Bad When You Feel Guilty For Being Rude to Vampires." I loved getting inside his head and seeing that he is more than just a emotional crankbutt. He's flawed. I like that. Perfection isn't my bag, baby.

I also loved seeing Bella stronger and smarter. She has done nothing but annoy me since the first book. I now kind of like her & her ability to cast a net (or whatever that was) around those she loves. In the end she saved them all, so that's good. And that's how it should be, I suppose. I wish there would have been more explaining regarding why Bella was able to control herself so much as a newborn. I was hoping it was because she had drank 100 gallons of blood right before turning but apparently that wasn't the reason. It would have been good though. I really wish Stephenie would have consulted me on that.

Ok, I'll stop now. Thank you for enduring my ranting. In a sort of "Bella way" I opened up my mind so you could read it. It was therapeutic for me to get this all down in writing so that I can now get on with my life.

26 comments:

Memzy said...

I'm not sure I will get a post in on this subject before everyone else says what I was thinking. Soo, I agree with you and disagree as well.

Amy Thurston said...

I am thinking I agree with about.....%100 of everything you said. Jacob is hot, and I am not talking about his temperature. That's why I would agree to make out with him, even if he was using me for my ovaries. And since I personally would never agree to become a vampire, I would need someone with at least the same, if not more, flaws than my own.
My favorite thing you mentioned, which I deglected to, was the whole "hissed", "growled", and "flank" thing. Too funny. As much as we have all ripped on the book, I still loved it. But....I have MORE than loved ripping on it. It is giving me a good six-pack.
I can't wait for the 5th one to come out!

ajesplin said...

Strange, cuz I thought there was far too little description of the love-making. I took it upon myself to write out their love scenes (yer welcome, Steph) as graphic descriptions are my spec-e-al-ity. You want I should post it or email it?

I hiss whenever someone says the name Renesme. I don't like the word flank. Or the word moist. It always kinda turned me off when the vampires would crouch and hiss. I really wish they'd just like pull out a gun or something like that.

Amy and I got into it over how to pronounce Renesme's name. I conceded to Amy that she was right, but I was only trying to end the argument. Really I was right. While I was reading, my mind would usually just pronounce it resume (<--what you type out and give to your potential employer). Plus why'd she name the baby after her dead-beat loser mom and boring Esme, who blended in with the wallpaper the whole time? Whatever happened to her mom? Don't care, but she never said. And she named her baby after her.

Having babies is lame, especially creepy ones that grow too fast. Not to get graphic, but do you think Edward's cold hard marble parts would have busted up the 25cent contraceptive anyhow?

I totally agree about all those new characters. Who cares about them? They were all coming together for this supposedly climatic scene at the end that didn't actually happen.

I loved it!

Carol said...

OK--I agree with most of your opinions but not all. I liked the 4th book better than the other 3 because it moved much faster. It didn't take her quite so long to develop each and every happenin'. That was annoying in the other books. I know "imprinting" is an important part of the "dogs" life but it still was creepy that he imprinted on Nessie--a baby (hate her real name too). However, I did get used to it and it was nice to finally have him bug off Bella. I mean, give me a break, get over it. The book was addictive and hard to put down. I tried to make myself quit reading at 9:00 P.M. every night or I couldn't sleep. Didn't work--stayed up til 1:00 A.M. several times.

Cristin said...

YAY! I'm so glad you butted your way in!!!!

Umm, before I start digging into what you thought of the book, I thought I would let you know that..uh..Stephenie was really suppose to satisfy me...sorry if you were misinformed.

I was really nervous about reading it..I don't know if you've read my blog but I love the series in fact I'm a tad bit obsessed so while I was waiting in line at the release party I started getting very nervous that I wouldn't like it.

I can't believe it but I never noticed all those annoying words, but now I will so thanks alot....

Sadly the things you like about Jacob are the ones that keep me from hearting him more. I like sense of humor but not with an immature, gooffy teenager. I LOVE that he's all warm and furry, it's kind of cute but that fact but he is also uber tall which I don't like as much. BUT I can totally see his appeal! I like my perfect mature hard rock body Edward that is lovely. :)

Br Boys said...

Hey Tiff,
This is Amy (aka Girlfriend) I just have to chime in here. Just a few things:
1.I LOVE Edward
2.The 1st book is my favorite
3.I lost interest in the 4th book after Bella was changed because Edward didn't treat her the same. It was like he didn't live just for her anymore.
4. I missed their old relationship.
5. I think the reason why she brought all the extra people in at the end was so she could sell her next book...the reference guide..or something like that.

Landeelu said...

Memzy, sooooo if you're not going to do a whole post then just essplain your agrees and disagrees here. TYVM.

Amy, ripping on stuff is ALWAYS more fun than saying how awesome it is. <--- sad but true. Glad you feel the same!

AJ, go ahead and email me those love scenes. Some of my YW might read this. And I totally forgot CROUCH! Yuck. Might as well be crotch for how much it bugs me. "Cold hard marble parts" is now officially my new favorite term for "down there." Even on non-Edward types... like Gty.

Cristin, I guess the reality is that Edward doesn't exist... but there are plenty of Jacobs out there. Maybe he just seems more attainable to me? I just can't deal with the seriousness that is like a little rain cloud over Edward's head all the time. If any of you knew my hubby you would see where I'm coming from.

Girlfriend, #3--I hadn't really thought about that but I totally agree. On the flip side, however, it was nice to not have to think to myself "Freak. Bella is gonna get herself or some of the Cullens killed because she is stoooopid and nothing but a weakling human. Oh, and let him buy you that car! Fer duh."
#4--but their new relationship had lotsa mangling of headboards!

quesetescapa said...

Hmm I have always loved Jacob since he made fun of Mike for vomiting in the movie theater. It isn't that he is flawed, it is that he notices everything about her and it always surprises her.

I didn't care about most of the things you mentioned because my eyes gloss over those words and I think she redeemed herself in the end with her ability to resist every power ever.

She set those characters up so she can refer to them in her Edward version, etc. but I think that she is also going to do a spin off with the SA "whipper snapper" and Jacob.

I really hate to admit this but I am rereading the series again and just as into it as I was the first time. It has further solidified the I heart Jacobness. Don't tell anyone I am rereading it though.

Landeelu said...

"I didn't care about most of the things you mentioned"

Mmmmkay... I know for a fact you loved everything I had to say. Cuz you always do. Why are you playing hard to get?

Amy Thurston said...

She said it was pronounced "Re-nuzz-may". I put the emphasis on the "nuzz" part, otherwise I kept thinking of it as resume (like the work type) too. Also, about the 25cent contraceptive, I am pretty sure if it hadn't been busted, it would have disintigrated with his uber potent vampire swimmers. I can't wait to read Jenny's love scenes. I can only imagine. Dwight and I have gone through many a pillow ourselves. And it had not too much to do with kids puking on them, or peeing on them, or a few too many years of sleep drool either.

Landeelu said...

Ok, so they triple up and spend 75cents on some protection then. Steph should have made the condom breaking as part of the story so they at least tried. Cullens and stupid don't mix.

I think I usually said Re-nEzz-may. But sometimes Renez-may and sometimes Ren-ezz-may and other times still R-enezz-may. I may have even said Renezz-mee at some point I was so confused.

Cristin said...

Resume Ren-uzz-may??? um WRONG...it's pronounced Ren-ez-may

Quesetescapa,the books are meant to be read over and over and over and in my case over again. At least that's what I tell myself.

Amy...suuuuuuuuuure! Oh I mean, Yeah, Me and LM have gone through millions..no I mean BILLIONS of pillows, if you know what I mean? *wink wink*

ajesplin said...

Amy, the name is French, OK. She was named after their two moms. Say Rene'e and then say Esme. Now put the two names together: RenESME. Where are you getting Nuzz from? And we hang onto our pillows forever, even the bodily-fluid soaked ones. We just rename them "guest pillow."

I'm not buying the whole "she introduced millions of new characters so she can include them in the spin off." She could have just introduced them in the spin-off, when they're actually relevant. Remember Leah? She should have given her more "page-time" rather than introduce new people. Geez, Steph, do I have to figure out everything for you?

quesetescapa said...

Well I cared, I just meant to say that I didn't MIND the bad stuff- I believe in the "feedback sandwich": start with good, put bad in the middle, and end with good. You started off negativo so I had to throw in the positive spin where possible. I don't know if I would be good in a book club because if I liked the book I would probably try to defend every last lame element just because I would feel bad about it.

Landeelu said...

LeeAnn, this is not a place for "feedback." No one here wrote the book. The person who wrote the book will never read this. THIS is a forum in which opinions can be shared, jokes told and observations pointed out. No sandwiches necessary. Just smart remarks, as the book club's name suggests.

Landeelu said...

Oh yeah, and I forgot to mention that Leah annoys me and I don't understand her purpose in the grand scheme of things. I get that Steph was hinting at her and Jacob hooking up there for a while but I didn't fall for it. Not even for one second. You can even check what I wrote in the margin... it says "Not buying this, Steph."

Cristin said...

wow landeelu, your good! I need to start writing stuff in the margins of my books.

I didn't understand the whole Leah thing either. I wish she would have been left out or would have given her a more happy ending, but I guess in a way it did end a little happier. I have to admit that I kind of hoped that her and Jacob would have hooked up so both of them could be happy but no, he had to hook up with a freaky baby.

Amy Thurston said...

I definitely prefer the freaky baby to Leah. I think my pronunciation of Renesme is the same as everyone elses, except for a slight -u- instead of a hard
-e-. So you all need to just relax and call her Nessie, like my non pillow biting lover, named Jacob.
Someday I will tell you all about mine and Dwight's headboard too.

Amy Thurston said...

I think we all need to reread the series. This time, I bet I will guess everything right. I am also going to take a count of her favorite words. I have already counted "hissed" 10 times in the first book, and I am not even to page 100, AND we don't even know there are vampires around yet.

Jenny said...

'Hissed' drove me crazy too. It seems like she said it all the time.

I don't think this was the last book, even though it techincally is the last one. I think she was setting up a series about Jacob.

Memzy said...

I'm exhausted already.
1. You people are freaks. In a good way of course.
2. I'm thinking this smart remarks book club just got REALLY popular, no? Good job Jenny.
3. Edward is the better choice. Most of the reason for that is his ability to keep his "cold hard marble parts" alive and kicking as often and frequently as possible. Doyee. You guys are slow.
3. Bella is annoying as a human AND a vampire. Obviously so we could be in love with the "boys" instead of her. So, we wouldn't feel bad about slapping her open handed across the face were we ever to meet her IRL. (that's in real life for those of you that don't get it).
4. She is obviously going to write more books of some nature about this stuff. Cuz I already wrote her a threatening letter that if she doesn't, I know peeps who will come and take care of her "Volturi-style". <--that's the word's I used. So rest easy people. Memzy saves the day.

Landeelu said...

"Are you suggesting that because Jacob has to sleep every once in a while that he would turn Bella down for pillow biting?" Landeelu hissed at Memzy. "You've gotta be kidding me." ::crouching at your flanks::

Sorry, but I don't want to have to wear a shawl during MommyDaddy time.

Cristin said...

Memzy your the greatest! I didn't want to get pushy with my BFF so I'm glad you did.

Annalisa said...

Alright I couln't agree more! I love this post. I was so weirded out through most of this book. The Lead thing was too out there. Why? Also Rose bugged me in this book. I did think she did an amazing job of describing all of Bella's pain. Oh I swear I felt that. And I did about throw-up in my mouth at Bella drinking blood during pregnancy and then feeding Renesafreak bottles of blood. Too nasty for me.

michelle said...

Hi, this is Jenny's SIL and I sure wish I would have clicked on the link to your blog sooner. I missed some good chatter!!!!

You gals really know how to break down a story.

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