Smart Remarks: Breaking Dawn

DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE NOT READ BREAKING DAWN

I will be discussing the fourth book of the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer in the following post. This is to go along with a book club established by ajesplin I butted my way into recently. I've left some of my comments in other people's posts (i.e. here and here) but I thought I'd expound upon those and flush it all out of my system because I'm all kindza backed up over this.

First of all, let me preface all of this by saying there is no way Stephenie Meyer was going to be able to satisfy everyone. And by everyone, I mean me. My expectations were too high. I was too emotionally involved. I had no perspective. I didn't even know what I wanted to have happen in this fourth (I refuse to say final book, more on that later) book but I could sense as soon as I had it in my hands, that I was going to be let down a bit. It's not Stephenie's fault. It's mine. It's the classic "It's not you, it's me" stuff.

So, let's debrief, shall we? Let's begin with the annoyances because that is usually more fun. Stephenie overuses a few words that drive me insane. These words are "hissed" "growled" "beautiful" and "flanks." I plan on sending her a Thesaurus or at least a link to Thesaurus.com here in the near future. I really hate the word hissed. I mean, it's one thing if someone hisses something but all these vampires do is sit around and hiss at the mention of someone's name or hiss because someone said something they don't agree with. It bugs. Am I the only one here?

Sorry, but if there were even RUMORS that a vampire and a human could procreate why didn't Carlisle give Edward "the talk" and give him a 25cent insurance policy!! Come on people!... I mean, vampires!! I thought being a brazillion years old meant you knew a thing or two about stuff.... and a DOCTOR to boot! And don't tell me they didn't know that was possible because they found that whipper-snapper down in South America pretty durn quick. I mean, all the rest of this crap is totally believable but THAT I simply cannot accept.

On that same note, I have been thoroughly impressed with Stephenie's ability to create feelings of intimacy & desire without having Edward & Bella do anything more than make out on occassion. Well, good bye innocence! Freakin A!!!! As I mentioned in the comments before, I cannot believe the amount of gettin-it-on that there is in this book! I pray the teenage girls who don't know any better won't know where to let their mind go to (i.e. the exact moment/reason Edward had to bite that pillow) but I sure did. I wonder if she has gotten any flack for that. Hmmmm....

So this leads me to loverly Renesme. Sorry, did I say loverly? I meant creepy & weird. The last thing I would want is for BeeBee to put her hand on my cheek and for me to see her pooing on the potty for me to understand what she needed. And the fact that she preferred that way of communication to speaking was rather odd. If they ever make a movie for Breaking Dawn I think a prefect casting choice would be that kid who played Chuckie. And don't even get me started on the NAME Renesme. I couldn't pronounce it. Every time it came up I would say it differently. I wish Bella would have just let everyone call her Nessie... or even Nessa is cute. Uh, Nessa, oh Nessa I've got something to confessa reason why, well, why I asked you here toniiiiight..... oops.... that's me singing Wicked. Nevermind.

Next, I do not understand why Stephenie introduced us to, what, 20+ characters here at the supposed END to the series. That makes no sense whatsoever. The only way this series will end is when the Cullens somehow destroy the Volturi. There are too many loose ends here for this to be the last. That said, if this is her last book for realz, I will never forgive her and she is going to have to live with that for the rest of her life.

Now moving on to the things I enjoyed.... really, you'd think by reading so far that it was torture for me to read this book. The reality is that I had it read in about 3 days. I stayed up late even when I could not afford to do so because I was so enraptured in this book.

I loved the chapters from Jacob. I heart Jacob. Edward's "coldness" just doesn't do it for me. If I wanted to hug a statue I'd go out and hug the life-sized David I have out in the garden. But I don't, cuz I don't like it. Jacob's heat is appealing to me, as is his goofiness and immaturity. Sense of humor is huge in my book and I'm going to go on the record as saying Edward has none. My favorite chapter headers from Jacob were "Why Didn't I Just Walk Away? Oh, Right, Because I'm An Idiot" and "You Know Things Are Bad When You Feel Guilty For Being Rude to Vampires." I loved getting inside his head and seeing that he is more than just a emotional crankbutt. He's flawed. I like that. Perfection isn't my bag, baby.

I also loved seeing Bella stronger and smarter. She has done nothing but annoy me since the first book. I now kind of like her & her ability to cast a net (or whatever that was) around those she loves. In the end she saved them all, so that's good. And that's how it should be, I suppose. I wish there would have been more explaining regarding why Bella was able to control herself so much as a newborn. I was hoping it was because she had drank 100 gallons of blood right before turning but apparently that wasn't the reason. It would have been good though. I really wish Stephenie would have consulted me on that.

Ok, I'll stop now. Thank you for enduring my ranting. In a sort of "Bella way" I opened up my mind so you could read it. It was therapeutic for me to get this all down in writing so that I can now get on with my life.