Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Country Week: Just Shoot Me

This is who is coaching our Idols this week. Yikes. I think he died about 5 years ago but nobody told him.

That judges walking out at the beginning thing is so dumb. So so so dumb.

I almost didn't make it through this week's show. Country music is my nemesis.

I muscled through tho... for you gize.

Let's get this hoe-down started....

OilRigger (Michael): He was definitely in his element this week....and that's not a compliment. His song was like rapping... country style. Ugh. I'd like to see what percentage of his votes came from the Ozarks this week I bet, like, a lot.

Red (Allison): She rocked it. I'm still on the fence with her. Can't figure out why I'm not head over heels in love with her. Still wondering who is voting for her. I won't hate it if she sticks around but I wouldn't care if she left this week either. It's like I'm dead inside when it comes to her.

CutiePatoot (Kris): Hmmmmmm... I don't know if I like the "vulnerable" and "tender" Kris. He had some rough high notes in there. And I'm not sure how much I am loving him with out his guitar. How can holding a guitar up the hawt quotient by like, a brazillion? And how much can cheesily sitting on a stool down the hawt quotient? Plus, by the time they were showing the recaps at the end I had already forgotten about him.

BigNRound (Lil): Or "Little" which Lil is obviously short for (sorry about ending that with a preposition, UV). Thanks for clearing that up, Simon. Oh, and btw, ew. Did not like her performance. Nothing new for me, I realize, but tonight was particularly bad. I get her trying to do something different.... but she shouldn't. She SHOULD have taken a non-stupid country song (Independence Day does not fall into that category) and put an R&B spin on it. Who are we kidding...I probably wouldn't really like anything she did. Nevermind.

Gayliner (Adam): Wow. You know my feelings regarding Mr. Adam Lambert. This was a perfect example as to why he drives me crazy. He chose a PERFECT song for him.... and then Black Fingernail Polished it up. There were a couple parts where I thought "Ok, not toooooo bad" and then BAM! his creepiness came back full force and my eye began to twitch like it usually does when he sings. Bottom Line: Coulda been great. Way too much WeHo.

Blindy (Scott): Paula. Shutty. He needs that piano. I need him to need that piano. I can't have him "looking" directly at the camera/me without the piano there for a distraction. His hair looked better, don't you think? I wonder how he likes it..... sorry. I loved Simon's comment that his songs keep going ::hand motion over his head::..... um, Simon, he can't see you. That was rude.

Pixie (AlexisGrace): They say she looks like Dolly Parton? I can think of two humungous reasons why she does not. I think she was smart to go a little slower/softer. The Dirty Diane stuff was getting old. But she did have some really bad notes in there. She's growing on me a little. Just a lil tho.

RDJ (Danny): It became obvious from the audience's reaction when he finished his song that he is a maaaaaaajor favorite this year. And still, no mention of the dead wife this week. Do you think he's trying to get people to like him for him rather than for his sob story? Or do you think he is wanting to start dating again? Something to ponder. Of course he was fantastic.

NoopDog (Anoop): There's my NoopDog!!! There he is! Smart song choice cuz guess what? Willie Nelson's not popular cuz his voice is like butter. As a matter of fact, it's like nails on a chalk board. He's the perfect artist to chose. Anoop dominated this song. Aaaaand, he added a new word to my everyday vocabulary.... impetus. Hims so smart. Smartness is hawtifying.

TatSleeve/ToddlerDancer (Megan): What happened to her last name? I thought it was Corkery? Anyway, apparently we can't judge cuz she had the flu. Apparently you get a free pass if you are sick. I like her quirky style but her unnatural facial expressions are kinda creepy. Oh, and her un bra-ed boobs were gross.

DeulingPianos (Matt): I've never heard the original of this Carrie Underwood song, but it didn't matter. I enjoyed it immensely. He dressed like JT in a snazzy suit and tie too. I wasn't hating that. He fused the country crap with his own style beautifully. Take note Guyliner. Take note Little.

(she's never been voted in and can't possibly be appealing to the general population)

(indulgent jagbag)

(his eyes saw into my soul)

(country rapping, nuff said)


Katie said...

I should be in bed, but I just thought I would stop by to give you my opinion. I should have given it earlier so you could have formed you opinion based on time.

I hate to say it, but my second, third was eyeliner guy. The creepy sexual nature of his performance was turning me off, but if I closed my eyes...I loved it.

My fav...Anoop, and after that, piano guy.

I missed the judges storming off...stupid 18 kids and counting again (I just can't seem to cancel that recording), but it doesn't sound like I missed much. I only missed the first two, and watching the recap was more than I wanted to hear.

Katie said...

Wait, did I seriously forget to mention how hawt I find that constant licking and biting of the lips that Cutie Patootie does? I haven't seen him with the guitar, but if it is hawter than that...he is my favorite. Enough said.

Annalisa said...

I don't hate country like you do and I still hated this week. Why does it have to be 2 hours??? Torture! I wish the twist were that they eliminated 2 people a week until we got rid of all those who don't deserve to be here 90% of them. Get rid of the Meg and dirty D now please. I think Meg had water balloons in her dress and she always sounds that bad. What is up with her weird accent like she is from somewhere other than Utah? I don't get it. Other than her attractive face why is she on this show? In my opinion the only girl who deserves to be there is red. Get rid of the rest of them and country boy. When I watch Adam sing all I can see is him in a Cat suit crawling all over stage or an animal like the hyena's on lion king. He is not meant to be taken seriously. At least in those costumes makeup would be appropriate. Unless he is wearing a phantom of the opera mask so we can't see his eyeliner.

Markie23 said...

Missed the show last night - it was my anniversary yo, 'nuff said. I'm only commenting so you don't spend the whole day fretting and stressing about why I haven't commented yet, and popping Xanax pills for the anxiety. I'll watch it tonight along with results and give you my take tomorrow, 'cause this IS the place for all things Idol.

eekareek said...

A-Noop moves mountains when he sings. Mountains. Okay so:

Michael, he can go, I am all done.

Red, you don't love her cuz she is just okay. It is all very deep and it all sounds the same and I may be tone deaf but it sounds just a little off.

Kris, love him. He is cute but I can't watch him sing cuz his facial expressions bug.

Little, my favorite part of her performance was when Simon called her Little. He was actually making sense.

Gayliner, he is a freak! But as everyone knows, I like crazy people and he is starting to grow on me. I want him to stay like how I wanted Sanjia to stay. He will never get my vote but he is entertaining.

Blindy, boring. My mountain wasn't moved.

Pixie, didn't someone sing Jolene last year during country week?

RDJ, He is always good. I want more dirt about his dead wife though. I want tears, I want him to relive her last moments of life with us all and most important, I want a break down where he just can't go on because he misses her so much.

Noop, like I said, he moved mountains.

Tat Sleeve, if you have the flu, don't put gobs of white eyeliner under your eyes. I don't know why she bugs me.

Dueling piano, he definitely has blindy beat in the piano department and the voice department. I beat the stage people are so annoyed that they have to drag the piano out for Blindy, bring it back in for the next performer and then bring it back out for Duels. Why don't they just have those two perform back to back and maybe save someones back by doing so. I guess I am just considerate like that.

Our Family said...

Randy Travis is soo freaking HAAWWWWT Landee and you know it. His wife didn't seem to enjoy the whole thing. She barely smiled or clapped.

I know country music is not your bag, but I quite enjoyed this week only because I do like me some country.

Noop finally pulled out a song that made me like him. The ballads are the way to go with him.

Tattoo actually did okay but I still don't really like her. I'm dead inside with her.
Guyliner/Kiss lead singer/Satan:
He might as well had horns on his head. It was creepfest 2009.

Here's a ? for you: Do you think Paula & Simon rehearse their fights? Is it all for show?

samandlysander said...

Ughh I hate country music too. I couldn't even stand to watch last night.

Jenny ESP said...

I figured out Toddler Dancer's accent. It's Icelandic. Bjork. ::hold me closer toddler dancer::<--sung like Elton John. Her dress was just a glorified over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder.

I agree with Sara about RDJ. Almost creepy how he never mentions his wife. Dead inside?

So, L, have you never heard that Garth Brooks song that Oil Rigger sang? You seem stunned by it. Country rap?

Noop killed it. Guyliner was out there this week, had a few good moments, but he needs to stay. The show needs to stay entertaining. If we get rid of all the entertainers, it'll really be a snooze fest, country week or not.

StandsMom said...

As we watched the curtains opening on the 'esteemed' judges...Cara was standing posed with her legs crossed. They walked onto the stage, she came to a stop and promptly crossed her feet again. Wha? At least Paula walked in a straight line last night.

I love country. OilRigger's rendition of Garth's song SUCKED! I thought it was terrible.

Red's pretty good, but the color of her hair is such a strange neon red, it's hard to look at.

Chris is nice to look at, cute. I don't remember to many details about his performance though, or the song.

BigNRound sang a song that was WAY too big for her. Martina was probably covering her ears and frantically searching for her remote to shut off the TV.

Scissorboygayliner is creepy. CREEEEE PEEEEE! I was thinking for a moment that the majority of people don't really get off on that goth/black fingernails/bull-hraka.

Blindy, yet again, made another song sound just like Bruce Hornsby. Come on. Keep the piano, but can't you sing something else? A different pace? A different sound? They're gradually getting his hair under control. Phew.

Pixie - hmmm. Cute. Very cute girl. I didn't like the way she sang that song though. Last years attempt by whats-her-name was tons better.

RDJ started a little rough and I was worried - until he hit that chorus and then POW! Thank you RDJ.

aNoop's voice was very sultry and smooth last night. SO nice.

Tatsleeve. Uh...get a contract for Maybeline or Cover Girl or something. She's just gorgeous (minus the tatsleeve). Her singing is painful, the little shake is painful. The boobies...what in thee heck was going on?

Pianoboy was very good. Good, good, good.

I too feel sorry for the people who have to move the piano. My fear is that I'm losing my interest in AI so gradually that I can't really tell if it's happening or not. Whatever, I think. But I'm still watching. Maybe somewhere toward the end, when there's only 4-5 people left, I'll get really excited. I'm worried blindy will win just because he's blindy.

Landee said...

I agree, Brooke White in all her awkwardness, did Jolene way better than DirtyDiane.

Anoop moved my mountains... a couple of times.

Katie, the judges don't "storm off" they walk out at the beginning like they are all that. It's dum. And Kris + guitar + licking lips is gonna = Tom being jealous. Again.

Annalisa, yes, Adam in a cat suit is something I can definitely get on board with. Adam trying to win me over with creepy looks & a snarling lip... not so much.

Markie, thank you for commenting. I woulda been worried as you are usually my first go-to commenter. I await your thoughts anxiously. (Anniversaries are soooo overrated. Why not celebrate by watching AI?)

Eeka, you're killing me. I can't wait for the can't-go-on break down from RDJ. As it is he seems to have forgotten all about her.... which is also ungood.

OurF, rehearse the fights? Rehearse? I think if they could get Pauler to show up for rehearsals they'd be so happy because at least they could make her comments make a teensy bit of sense. Simon is taunting her more and more this season. Most likely because she has never seemed this incoherent.

Sam, thank you.

Jesp, I cannot emphasize enough how much I hate country. Here, I'll emphasize with HTML code. HATE. NO I have not heard that song by Garth. What does that matter? He barely sang, it was a brazillion words and he said "pick up truck" about 10 times. Country rapping.

Carol said...

Uncle Visor and I couldn't wait to see your review this morning. I haven't had time to comment until now.
1. eyeline guy--four words--Tiny Tim on acid. Uncle Visor actually moaned out loud--I yelled at the TV "Make it stop".
2. Alexis Grace--good
3. Red--I agree with Stansmom--the color is terrible and she looks alot older than 16.
4. Anoop--home run--LOVED him--absolutely want him to win.
5. Danny--rocky start but turned it on and made me clap
6. Kris--I agree with the wierd facial expressions while singing. Very distracting.
7. Lil--not her best night
8. Piano guy--WOW love him
9. scott--go home please
10. Michael-gone soon
11. Megan-those coconuts were burning my retinas.

Carol said...

FYI--thanks to our DVR we watched the 2 hours show in 1 hour and 10 min. The best part--when the judges start to make me gag--zip--they're gone.

Hot Pants said...

Dwight and I watched the show together, which meant I had to fast forward through the most of the judges comments. Dwight loved tattoo girl, but he loves Bjork too. I made several comments about her tennis ball boobs, and Dwight, the gentleman, never responded. I think he secretly likes tennis ball boobs though. I was able to catch Simon calling Lil', little.
After last night, I am only rooting for AnoopDog, Widower and Dueling Piano. End of story.
My mountains were moved!!

StandsMom said...

Here-here Carol. I'm sorry for your retinas. Mine have almost recovered, but the image is still scarred in there a bit. Do you think she watched the show back and wondered wth was going on there?

StandsMom said...

P.S. I'm SO hoping that the stylists will reel in aNoops eyebrows.

Memzy said...

See StandsMom that's the only place I think you and I disagree. I think his eyebrows are what make Anoop.....Anoop. That and everything else he does that I love. I hope this won't come between us.

I think all here has already been said. I just barely got to watch it since last night I was bawling my eyes out reliving the book Kite Runner while watching the movie. It had to be done. But I'm off to see the results show now.


Anonymous said...

OK. So, Standsfive talks about Anoops eyebrows like they need a trimin...but I go to India about 3 times a year, and Anoop is in good me...