Wednesday, March 4, 2009

My Take: Group Tres

Two Elton Johns and a Meatloaf? It's like they are trying to make me not watch.

Lil Rounds? LIL Rounds? There ain't nothing lil 'bout that backside yo.

Why DON'T the judges choose all their songs? I'd love to take song choice out of the equation.

Why does Simon pretend like he doesn't know their names? I don't buy it.




Gay Donny Osmond: I'd forgotten he had even performed by the end of the show. Not a good sign. There's no way he's getting through but I think he's decent enough.




LDS (?) GRL: I was so hoping for more. Can anyone confirm for me if she's LDS? The Mormons usually rally behind their own peeps so I wouldn't count her out. I threw her about 10 votes just on the possibility that she's Mormon. Do you remember how far Carmen got with her yodeling? Brook White? Jon Peter Lewis? That's right. They don't even have to be good to get voted through. We are a powerful people.



NerdBall: Anoop pulls nerdy off better than Alex. I like HIM as a person. I think he's hilarious. However, I do not like his fake raspy voice. His voice doesn't match his look. It's disconcerting. Sorry, but I like my socks to match too. I'm OCD like that. Sad eyebrows or not, he won't be going through.




Button: Self-proclaimed "cute as a button." Be serious. She acted like her being cute was holding her back. This is like those people in job interviews who, when asked what their weakness is, say "I'm just too good with people" or "I'm patient to a fault." C'mon. Then she sang some lamerz song and cracked the last note. Buh-bye, Button.



Ju'Not: I had to use his real name cuz, wha? You can't make this stuff up. He definitely took Hey There, Delilah and "made it his own." I'm just not sure I want what he's selling. I liked RDJ's friend's version better. The judges were ga-ga though. He has a shot.



Chops: She has the singing chops and did you see her teeth? Perfection. I want the name of her orthodontist for my kids. I don't want the name of her & Pauler's hair stylist though. I remember her drama from Hollywood Week and I remember liking her afterward. It was like she didn't cause the drama, but she was right in the middle of it. And srsly, this girl can sing. I loved her song. I thought she did great. She's definitely in the running.



Headbands: Even his Grandma gave him a mediocre review. She's "used to Nathaniel's music" apparently. I don't have many rules but one of them is that I don't vote for boys who wear headbands and sing Meatloaf. My standards are through the roof, I know.



2nd Chances: So apparently that super pretty girl who had had a record contract in the past but it didn't work out, finally got it to work out. She accepted a record contract and subsequently got booted from AI. This is where Felicia comes in. And you know what? I think she was pretty dang good. Did I vote for her? No, there's no hint that she's Mormon. Duh.



Blindy: Here is the question we need to be asking ourselves here.... If Blindy wasn't blind, would the judges even be giving him the time of day?? I say nay. They can't even bring themselves to criticize him. As a matter of fact, they praise him when it isn't deserved. You move mountains?? Kara, stop. Here are a few things Simon should have said, "Your vision sux and so did your singing" or "You sing about as well as you see" or even "You look like Art Garfunkle, but you sound like poo." But no. He's semi-blind. So he moves mountains.



Princess: Blonde. Cute. Country. Seen it. Heard it. Didn't buy their albums. Not interested. Her only redeeming quality is her Dad's alligator dance. I'm adding that move to my repetoire.



Jorge From The Block: In a shameful case of reverse racism, Flem will vote for him simply cuz he speaks espanol. He was the second Elton John casualty of the night. I don't know why Pauler was all choked up. He didn't touch me deep inside but whatever. I'm dead inside anyway.



Fantasia 09/Big Rounds/Huge Square: Ok, fine. She can sing. But I am so over these types of artists. They do NOTHING after the show is over. Never heard a peep out of LaToya way back when. Fantasia has done zero point zero things since winning. Jennifer Hudson? Never heard of her (jay kay). I just don't know if I can take another season of the diva. The judges want to make out with her though so whatareyagonnado?

Predictions are tough this week, you gize.

Boy: Blindy (cuz Americans are suckers)
Girl: Fantasia 09
Other: Chops

10 comments:

Jenny ESP said...

Not to over state things, but you moved mountains with this post. Your thumbnails are literally the size of my thumbnail.

Sad Eyebrows Guy. I know he's not getting through, but I did my part. Love him. And you might be the only person in the USA who "Chops" made a good impression on during Hollywood week. Fakerz. We shall see.

Memzy said...

I feel so honored you added in "Huge Square" for me. Honored.

As usual you were spot on................except Sad Eyebrows guy killed. He isn't a good singer but he made me pee myself with laughter. And I was SO surprised the judges went Ga-Ga over Delilah. I was like, wha? I never know what they will say. And Kara is starting to BUUUUUUG.

Our Family said...

You move mountains with these reviews let me tell ya.
I had to hit pause to really take in LIL rounds backside. I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me--but no. Baby Got Back doesn't even come close to this.
Your right about Blindy. I closed my eyes so as to not be distracted by the face and I don't think he's that great of a singer. Even with my eyes closed I could tell that.
I'm one of those peeps that vote for LDS girls. Yes she is btw.
I don't understand why her fam moved her from HI to HURRICIN Ut to get more exposure....wha???Exposure to what...tumbleweeds? srsly, Hurrican/cane is in the middle of nothing. Ghost Town.

Markie23 said...

2nd chances was actually my favorite of the night and I voted for her about 20 times (pretty much my limit). I think I may have imprinted on her.
Button is SOOO cute, I had to throw her some votes too, even though that was a pretty bad performance.
I also really like chops. I love the song she sang 'cause I dig the blues, but that dress and hairdo made her look like she was appearing on Hee Haw.
Just the name Fantasia makes me want to gag, and I agree 100% with your assessment of Big Square.
I wanted LDS girl to be good, but she didn't do anything for me I'm afraid. Not even enough to win my Mormon vote.
I thought Ju'Not had the best male voice of the night, followed by Jorge. I don't really care what happens to either of them though. My only prayer is that headbands is history after tonight and that I'll never have to see that little pansy drama queen again.

Kathleen Miller said...

I have to say I'm watching American Idol so I can enjoy your comments even more! I found myself watching last night wondering "what is Landeee going to call this person...what is she going to say about their performance?" Totally made it more enjoyable!

Flem said...

Okay you know what? You have been my bff for what, like 15 years? And you are still killing me every second. This post was, as simon says, brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.

K, on to my commentary:

--Lil Rounds great singer. Nuff said.

--Chops was hands down the best singer but she will not get anything more than one pithy vote from me. This is so unlike you not to see through her--she caused the drama but AI totally made the black chick out to be the bad guy. Take it from my high school teaching background, that little chops girl is totally the "innocent instigator." They are a dime a dozen but seriously, seriously good singer.

-Blindy got one pity vote from me and probably every person in America so he might have a chance but he is not good. Considering he can't look at the lyrics I am impressed with his memory and the way he really seemed like he knew the song and I did think of Jespy saying I wouldn't help the guy across the street when I sent a vote his way
-Alternate Girl--best performance of the night from someone likeable. She gets my votes and hopefully everyone in America agrees.
--Jorge from the block--he picked too whitey of a song. If he would have done a Jon Secada or even sang one solitary verse in Spanish he would have gotten all my votes. As it stands he did zero PR dance moves. Great singer tho so he got a vote. Unfortunately AI has not catered to the latino comunidad so unlikely for him to return.
--JuNot--totally won me over with both a WAY better rendition of a song that usually irritates me and his total honesty about his drug use. He won votes from me (by proxy as is my usual method) and I think it is sad that everyone here is not jumping on that band wagon.

Everyone else was forgettable except sad eyebrows who was totally entertaining in spite of his hamster proportion.

Oh headband guy was entertaining. All I could think of was his mom in prison and his unhealthy and likely uneducated family background. I almost cried when even his grandmother doesn't really appreciate his talent. He is a good singer you know, just...flamboyant. No votes tho.

Winners: Two black contestants and alternate girl.

eekareek said...

I didn't get to watch the show last night due to band concert, birthday party, and a crabby husband but I wanted to vote so I just picked a random number and voted a few times and as it turns out I voted headbands. At least I voted though. VOTE OR DIE!

Katie said...

Tragedy stuck at my house. I sat down at 8:58 to watch Ai without commercial interruption...it didn't record. I know that I set a series recording. Know it! I did get to see the last two minutes, but it just made me hungry for more. I do know that I would have had the exact same opinion as you. Cause we are like that.

Carol said...

Lulu, You are wise and all knowing. I agreed with almost everything. And Jespy's eyebrow guy--fun to watch but doesn't have a chance. I liked 2nd chance girls a lot and ditto on the gagging when I hear the name Fantazia. I'm sure she's a really nice person but I cannot watch/hear her sing. Like nails on a chalkboard--Fantazia that is. Lil has a good voice but we need some diversity--in music people--not ethnicity. Give me a break

Landee said...

All Chops wanted to do was go to bed during Hollywood week! That's it! She is obviously one of those people who need a good 10-12 hours of sleep in order to function. I don't think the groups that stay up until 5am ever do well in the group round and Chops knew that too. THAT was the drama. Plus scary weave girl and Headbands. This isn't just YOUR dream!!!!

Ugh.

Did anyone else think that 2nd Chance was wearing a helmet? Just checking.