Wednesday, September 3, 2008


I've done & said some really dumb things in my life. No, really. I have. I sometimes do this thing where I don't THINK before I SPEAK. I know, weird. I've decided to compile a list of some of those things I regret saying/doing (because I've done one recently). This is so you may learn from my mistakes and not endure the embarrassment, discomfort and sleepless nights I've endured because of my behavior. I asked Gty to help me remember some of them and he said "Oh geez, I could write a book with all the stuff you say." I'm pretty sure that is rude.

The first one I can think of dates back to my 5th grade year, Mrs. McCormick's class, Garfield Elementary. For whatever reason the entire class had lost their privilege to go outside for recess this regrettable day. We were all supposed to have our heads down on our desks. I look over at my BFF and she is discreetly giving Mrs. McCormick "the bird" under her desk. I find this to be hilarious. Not to be out done, I decide to be even bolder in my birding of Mrs. McCormick. I rested my elbow on my knee (so my head was still kinda down), put my chin on my hand and put up my middle finger so it was up on my lips like I was saying "Sssshhhh" but with my middle finger. I thought I was so bold. So funny. So gettin' away with murder! That is, until I hear Mrs. McCormick's voice... "Landee, will you please stay after class today?" OH MY GOSH! I almost died. I NEVER got into trouble. Never. I was beyond mortified. After class was done I remained behind....

Mrs. McCormick: Landee.... do you not like me?
Me: I totally like you! Why?
MM: Because when people do this ::holding up her middle finger:: to someone, it means they don't like them.
Me: ::getting over shock of seeing a teacher flip the bird:: Oh, well, uh... I wasn't doing that TO you! I always sit like that! I mean, when I'm at home, that's how I watch TV...and uh, you can totally even ask my mom! Seriously. I do.

Luckily for me she let it go and never asked my mom. If she had told my mom, I may not be here retelling this story today. Not even kidding. My big regrets here are 1)finding the bird to be funny. I still struggle with that today. 2) Trying to out-do my BFF for a laugh. This is what normally gets me in trouble. 3) Lying about it. I should have just fessed up & said sorry. She probably would have respected me for it.

Next, let's fast forward to about 1998. Gty and I had been married about 2 years. We are at his parents' house and looking through some old pictures. We come across one of Gty when he was about 17 years old. He had been working at Bear Lake all summer. He had the cutest blonde surfer hair cut. He was tan. His shirt was off & he had a serious six pack. I then say "Geesh, if you looked like this I'd wanna {bite pillows} with you everyday!" Now, in all honestly, I thought he'd take that as a complement of his 1989 look. But really he took it as a slam against his 1998 look. In retrospect, I guess I can see why. Oopsy! I regret this because I really should have thought through the many ways that could have been interpreted before I said it. But mostly because Gty has brought it up on a bi-monthly basis ever since then. "Remember when you said that if I looked like that...." If you're doing the math it's been 10 years of hearing about this 3 second slip-up. Regrettable indeed.

I'm at a meeting for the kids' school and a guy from our ward shows up. We give each other a high-five & shoot the sheesh for a minute. Another lady at the meeting goes "Oh, is this your husband?" Suddenly it's all awkward and stuff because we were both like "Uh, no." So I think I need to break the palpable awkwardness in the air a little so I go, "Oh, he wishes!" He wishes??? WHY MUST I DO THESE THINGS?? That only multiplied the awkwardness by about 100, btw. All he could do was kind of look down & not say anything, of course. I wanted to crawl under a rock.

So I had just been called as Enrichment Leader in Ohio. Attendance for Enrichment had been waaaay down. I didn't know why no one was going but my main goal was to get people there. For my first Enrichment I advertised the heck out of it. I put up posters, handed out individual invitations, called people, etc. Well, my hard work had paid off. There were TONS of people there. I was so excited. When it was my turn to say a few things about what we would be doing that night I stood up and proceeded to say, "Wow! It is so fun to see so many people here....can you feel the winds of change?" First of all, that is a dumb saying. Second of all, the lady who was previously the leader was sitting right there. Why do I say lame stuff like that? The second I said it I knew it was a rude thing to say. Why can't I think of this before I say it? Then, that lady left early. I don't know if it was because she was offended or not but I definitely interpreted it that way. I literally felt sick to my stomach over this for days. But I didn't want to call her and apologize because what if she totally didn't even think anything of it? Ugh. I hate even thinking about that now.

In this same ward there were some issues between the Primary President and her counselor (I was the other counselor). After a big Primary activity where some obvious issues were unearthed between these two the president called me to see if I had talked to the other counselor about it, what her deal was, etc. For whatever reason I thought I'd just tell it like it was at this moment and said "Well, the thing is that you kind of grate on people." It was one of those lapses in judgement where I thought honesty would be the best policy. I was dead wrong. We finished the conversation. She hung up and bawled. Her husband had to call Gty to try and smooth things over. It was really bad. Our relationship was never the same again. I now know that in those kinds of situations, honesty is rarely the best policy. I wasn't going to change anyone being that way but I definitely hurt some feelings and damaged relationships. I fretted over this for a looooong time.

My final regret (that I can think of right now) was when Gty & I were living in NY. We were at some friends' home for a party. Gty was going on with some bit of his where he thought it'd be funny to just put cans of pumpkin pie filling out on the front porch rather than actual pumpkins sometime for Halloween. Everyone was laughing & having a good time and for reasons I cannot explain I said "Hey Gty... take it down a notch, eh?" I guess he was getting too much attention? I don't know. What I do know is 5 minutes later he was across the room shooting daggers with his eyes at me and mouthing "LET'S GO." Yikers. I knew I was in trouble. We got in the car and drove half way home in silence. Then I ask "Why are you so mad?" He goes "Guess." Me, "Take it down a notch?" "You got it." I regret this obviously because it was rude but I am so glad it happened on a relatively small scale because I learned a huge lesson that night about how to treat your husband in public. I'm not sure why I didn't just KNOW that, but I didn't. I say I'm "naturally bratty." Poor Gty has had to retrain me all these years.

So that's it. I hope you have learned some things through my mistakes. My only saving grace is that these regrets are becoming more and more rare as I get older. Either that or I just don't realize I'm being offensive any more.


ajesplin said...

Don't you hate it when someone screws up and then says, "I have no regrets." It's like *THE* thing to say nowadays. I have all kinds of regrets.

Here's one of my d'oh stories:

I was in elementary school and my dad had come to talk to our class about his job--he was a secret service agent, ya know, super tight with the president of USA. My teachers would ALWAYS ask him to speak, and he was really good at it and the kids would laugh at his jokes and think he was so cool, and I guess one time I was feeling jealous or something, so I raise my hand in the middle of his presentation and ask, "Hey, remember when Tom (my brother) stuck a rock up his nose?" I think I just wanted to remind people that he was MY dad or something, but it was really embarrassing because everyone was staring at me like I was crazy.

Wait, one more hilarious one about my husband Anthony:

When we were first married, back when I didn't know his family very well, one of his sisters came over to visit. I was doing all the talking to his sister, which was a little awkward, and Anthony was totally spacing off on the TV. Finally after like two hours of not saying a word, Anthony springs forward from his seat and says to his sister, "Whoa! Where did you get those shoes?!?" She's all flattered and starts to tell him, but he interrupts her and says, "Those would be perfect for my Austen Powers costume!" (It was just before Halloween.)

Landeelu said...

Thank you Jenny. Hearing other stories helps knock off the corners of my own guilt triangle. Although, yours were quite mild compared to mine. w/e

Memzy said...

"the corners of my own guilt triangle"? < Now THAT is good stuff.

I don't know what you guys are talking about. I never say things that I regret. Only the ones I say OUTLOUD instead of in my head. I can't think of anything right now but I'm sure they will come.

Memzy said...

Nevermind. I just remembered one. I was totally teasing my best frousin about a funny saying that she put on the comments in her post. I thought I'd be witty and make fun of her.

Then I go to another frousin's post and see a whole paragraph detailing exactly what the triangle of guilt was.

::pulling foot out of mouth::

Amy Thurston said...

I had a BIG one today, that I can't even talk about, incase they happen to read your blog. I am just going to try to act like it didn't happen, like maybe they didn't notice how totally mean and socially retarded I am.
Dwight's reason for never home schooling is this sort of thing. The majority of these types of slip-ups happen during the ages of 12-18. His own personal example:
Junior high, they are in class, the teacher is taking attendance. The teacher asks if some girl is there, someone else responds, "she's gone". Then Dwight adds, "gone with the gonorrhea." He didn't know what gonorrhea was, and everyone freaked out. Lesson better learned when your 14 instead of 24.
It doesn't mean it doean't happen as you get older, we just all hope it happens less. Unless you Landee apparently....geesh.

Landeelu said...

What is with you girls and only telling stories about when your husbands were idiots?? C'mon!! I know you have more.

Memzy, what about when you were rude & said I was full of crap about the whole "eating after 7pm" thing? I mean, you regretted that, right? Right.

quesetescapa said...

I am sooo sad to hear that you actually regret these things because I have admired your ability to say the funnies stuff and never look back.

I have a gazillion regrets, the most clear in my mind when I was at a study session (my favorite part of the BY) and I knew everyone there but one guy. I was saying how I hated stupid questions and did anyone hear the total IDIOT in class ask a question that was totally listed right on the syllabus?

It got really quiet and the girl hosting the study session (did I mention this was in the teachers lounge of the Senior MTC?) asked me if I knew that it was the one guy there who I didn't know. I laughed really loud and announced I was just kidding at which the whole room busted out in laughter thinking I really was just kidding and that it had been funny. Ouch. I have never made fun of anonymous people since.

Landeelu said...

Nice save Lee. And I tell you these stories so you will know that I am, in fact, NOT dead inside. I mean, I've never read anything Jane Austen, but I know when I've screwed up. Maybe you can just admire my ability to PRETEND like I never look back.

Cristin said...

YAY I'm feeling so much better. Keep spilling your guts gize...this is fun.

Memzy said...

I totally regret saying you were "full of crap" that day. I've learned my lesson about disagreeing with you like that.

-humbly Memzy

Amy Thurston said...

I've had a few good saves myself. One time I was at the mall with my roommate during college years. We walked by a manaquin wearing this BRIGHT orange outfit. I said, "Who wears orange like that? It looks hideous!" Then turned to my roommate, who I then noticed was wearing the exact same shade of orange in her completely orange ensamble. It only took a brief second to come up with "Totaly joking....I noticed it was the same as what you were,haha.."
I tell hubby stories because it is funner.

Cristin said...

wow...I need to get better at my saves. I just blink heavily, turn bright read, sweat profusely and look around for an escape route.

ajesplin said...

I regret calling you dead inside. Sometimes I hit the "PUBLISH YOUR COMMENT" button without thinking. I also regret thinking your lame for not reading Jane Austen, but I'm just glad I never said it to your face.

ajesplin said...

SHOOT!!!! I screwed up again, didn't I?

quesetescapa said...

Wait can we start posting stuff that we regret you said? Like when we playing a game in DT lobby, the box to the game made that really obnoxious sound and in front of my date (the Palestinian) for DT Winter Fest or w/e it was called you said "Lee was that one of your farts? Because it smells like one of your's."

I regret that you said that.

Ashley said...

That was hillarious! Kyle and I both had a good laugh over that one. I have done plenty of things I regret too. I am trying to think of some good ones to share. I am sure I will come up with something.

Jenny said...

My regrets tend to play over and over in my head. Like, I'll imagine how a conversation went and what I SHOULD have said instead--even things that happened forever ago.

Landeelu said...

Oh, I have a million "I should have said" regrets. I make my points much better later on when I'm laying in bed or when I'm in the shower. Mostly because then I get to decide what the person says back so I'm never caught unaware.

AJ, THINK before you click. That's all I'm sayin.

LeeAnn, I want to publicly apologize for saying that. Everyone knows that your freshman year should not be counted... grade-wise and socially. Although, I don't regret pointing out "the package" on that one ballet dude because that solidified our BFF-ness for all eternity.

Memzy said...

The package comment is my favorite Landeelu/Lee-dog story of ALL TIME. That should be one of your next posts.

Sox said...

So I am not the only one who opens their mouth and says stuff that should have been thought about first and then not said. I am usually speaking the truth, but some things are better left unsaid. I don't know that I am getting better about it as I age, maybe just better at knowing I said something stupid.