Wednesday, March 17, 2010

AI: The Rolling Stoops

::opening two Dove chocolates & refilling Diet Dr. P::  One says "Share a kind word" (nah) and the other says "Give yourself to someone who needs you"  (hmmm...maybe later).

::stretching fingers::   Ready?

Ok, first of all, I need to be honest with you here & tell you I'm not a fan of The Rolling Stones.  I went through a major Beatles phase beginning in the 5th or 6th grade and tapering off in college and I was obsessed with The Doors for a good chunk of my adolescence as well, but The Stones?  No.  Never.    As the show began tonight Gty goes, "I think you're gonna see how many Rolling Stones songs you actually do like tonight."  I hate/love to say it, but he was dead wrong.  I don't like any of these songs and had only heard, like, three of them before.    I like to think this gives me a unique perspective though.  No comparing to the original and all that nonsense. 

Second of all, who cares anyway, right?  You don't come here for my musical expertise anyway.

Let's move on.

"Miss You"

Let's talk about his intro video.  These are often my favorite parts of the whole performance.  This one, an in depth interview with Mike's wife, made me start to wonder why we never heard a peep out of Kris Allen's wife.  I mean, obviously AI isn't opposed to wifey interviews so what'supwitdat??  I'm thinking they didn't want to remind America Kris was married cuz he was so cute.  But with BigMike they're like, "He coached his wife to push over the phone as she gave birth fhs.  Let's put her on screen.  Plus, no teenage girl is screaming for him anyway."  As for his performance, it was very Jennifer Hudson.  Watch it again.  You'll see it.  Lotsa lips and stuff.  I'm tiring of his falsetto but he did fine.   The Ryan/Simon stuff is so played.  This show isn't about them.  Why haven't the producers mentioned this in their staff meetings?

Double D
"Play With Fire"

Boring, supportive Mom stuff in her video.  Nothing I haven't heard and seen before.  Did you notice that when DD talks her teeth don't quite close all the time?  I bet she'd make a brilliant ventriloquist (I just spelled that right on the first try, suckah!!).  Performance wise I thought she was good but I'm not sure I like this side of my little Double D.  Broody & dark are not what I'm looking for.  I appreciate what she is trying to do in showing different sides of herself but I prefer her with her guitar and being a little moody as opposed to this.  She can only do so much with Rolling Stones week, I guess.

"It's All Over Now"

He was brain damaged as a kid?  Or almost brain damaged?  I didn't quite catch that.  Somehow brain damage came up though.  I like this kind of feel from him way more than the straight up country crap he was kickin' last week.  He's obviously in the Gifted & Talented program with his guitar.  I guess I'm just wondering what he's smiling about all the time.  It's constant.  Start noticing it.  Let's see if he smiles every performance cuz it's been every performance so far.  And Ellen's "people like me" joke was funny but now I'm guessing there were some parents who had to explain what was so funny to their kids.  Sounds like a fun convo to have in the middle of AI, doesn't it?   PS Simon made no sense.  He was making up stuff just to have something to be critical about.  Use the stage more??  How?  His microphone is on a stand and his hands are occupied with his guitar.  Doyeee.

"Ruby Tuesday"

Pastor parents.  Texas.  Supportive family.  Blah blah blah.  I officially declare, in this blog post, that I cannot stand Lacey.  Her voice is awful!!  It's like, not even her real voice!  Ugh.  And she kept sliding into all her notes "gooooodbye ruuuuby tuuuesday"  (<---sing that sliding into each note, k?).  She does nothing for me.  I may have just dubbed her my nemesis.  And what was she wearing?  Some kind of off the shoulder striped t-shirt with a ruffly corset and a puffy skirt?  You're trying too hard, Kate.  Way too hard.

"Give Me Shelter"

Best family video ever!!  "I always thought he'd be a custodian cuz he collected keys."  Oh my gosh.  Love his adorable gangsta parents.  The performance was interesting, that is fo sho.  I didn't love it, but I liked it.  He's trying new things.  Feelin' it out, you know?  Randy, shutty.  Love you Ellen.  Kara: you and your connection-to-the-song crap is bugging me more than your normal stupid stuff.  Love you Simon.  "Should he have come out with a tank?"  ::giving Kara the "srsly, you idiot" look::

"Wild Horses"

Wow.  She sucked as an 8 year old.  Thank goodness she is here now to "put Connecticut on the map" because no one had ever heard of CT before.  And there is dear old granny.  I've missed her.  Did you know she has Alzheimer's and is old?  It's true.  The nemesis spot isn't officially wrapped up with Lacey because Katie is keeping it interesting.  She's so boring and so lame that I just can't decide who bugs me more.  The only problem with Katie is that she can actually sing so she might stick around a lot longer than Lacey.  I wish wild horses would drag her away.

"Under My Thumb"

Ten kids in his family and ONE shower.  I cannot imagine how filthy that shower must have gotten all the time.  No signs of Mormonism around his house and, oh, dang...he's wearing a cross.  Oh well.  I still like Catholics, just not as much as Mormons.   Here is a perfect example of where my ignorance was bliss.  I'd never heard this song before so I liked the reggae stuff he put in there at the end.  He's not amazing or anything, but definitely entertaining and I don't mind looking at him.   He keeps it interesting too.  One week he's terrible, the next great.  This week so-so but enjoyable.

"Paint It Black"

Her parents are exactly as I had imagined a glassblower's apprentice to have.   A couple of hippies.  I guarantee they recycle.  This performance was creepy, in a good way.  Chilling.  She scares me.  I can almost say with 100% certainty that she's Wiccan.  I think that's the Grim Reaper there tattooed on her arm but I couldn't get a clear shot of it on the TV.  I thought she looked great tonight.  Prom dress, army boots, movie star hair...loved it.   In the "some are gonna love it, some are gonna hate it" category, I loved it.

"Beast of Burden"

Dang.  I was hoping they'd talk about what got him sent to that "alternative high school"/step down from juvvy.  I'm guessing he had issues due the the fact that his Dad is still in the closet.  Being raised by a gay man in denial has to do things to your psyche.  Maybe he took up graffiti to cope?  Stole a car?  Started a meth lab?  See, I must know.  My imagination is getting away from me here.   I thought it was a pretty good performance this evening.  He took a song from '78 and brought it up to about '95 with his Hootie & the Blowfish-esque interpretation.  But I agree with Simon.  His personality is lacking.  He didn't understand a couple of the questions Ryan asked so maybe hims not so smart either.  He's cute tho.  And I like him.

"Honky Tonk Woman"

Dad was paralyzed and died when she was four?  Why are we just hearing about this now?  Didn't anyone tell her America loves a good sob story?  Instead she has decided to rocks the onesies even more than Jermaine did.  WHO told her to wear a shorts jumpsuit?  Who?  I can't even tell you how she sang the song because that outfit distracted me so much.  She has no business, No. Business. wearing that thing.  Yikes.


Ok.  I get it now.  He was ADOPTED by his aunt which is why he insists on calling her his mom.  I gotcha.  That was confusing.  I loved it when he was like "I'm the only one who sings in my family.  I don't know where I got it from cuz my Mom can't sing!"  Um... someone explain to him how genes work plz.  Auntmom's voice has nothing to do with yours, Archy.   Sorry.  I'm also sorry for how much I don't like this kid.  I should.  He's adorable (in a baby way, not a hawt way).  He's nice.  His hair looked way better this week.  He just doesn't do it for me.  I found it boring.  The judges go out of their way to prop this kid up and I'm still trying to understand why.  Maybe Ryan wants to keep him around because he feels tall standing next to him?  It's the only thing I can come up with.

"You Can't Always Get What You Want"

Elliston, OH, as it turns out, is only about 35 minutes from where I used to live in Perrysburg, OH.  I don't know what this means for you, exactly, but I wanted to point it out anyway.  Her dad was cute.  Was there any mention of a mother?  I may not have been paying close attention during her video intro.  But she took that song and Melissa Ethridged the heck out of it, didn't she?  Thank goodness she spared us her neck brace harmonica.  I can't stand that thing.  She did a great job tho.  No complaints here.  She even looked kinda pretty with her dreads pulled back and some nice makeup on.

The Contest

So that's it for the recaps/commentary.  Now, for the contest.  It officially starts this week.  Last week was just warm-ups--our equivalent of looking into a box.  I needed to see how many would be interested, after all.  And now I think we have enough to make it interesting.   Please please please join in.  Anyone & everyone is welcome!  The more the merrier, is what I always say.  I don't even care if I don't know you.  Leave your picks here.  We could become BFFs!

Here is how it will work.  Each week, anytime after the performances and before the results show (cut off at 5pm MST so you east coasters can't cheat) you may submit who you think will be eliminated that week.  From now on it will only be one person each time.  You can submit your pick in the comments of this blog post, via Facebook, text, email, calling me on the phone, carrier pigeon, whatever.  After this season of AI is over, I will look to see who has picked the most correct eliminations throughout.  This person will be crowned OUR American Idol 2010.  There will be a prize.  And it will be somewhere in the "oh, cool" to "awesome" range.  But the pride of winning will far exceed the monetary value of whatever I come up with.  And you can bet an entire post will be dedicated to you, fawning over your great achievement.   

Everyone got it?

I look forward to hearing from you each week.  Feel free to leave your reasoning behind your pick as well so we can agree or agree to disagree. Or not.  No pressure.

This week I'm going with ColoringPaige.  I agree with Simon...she's made no connection to anyone.  And her jumpshorts didn't help. 

Your turn.


Flem said...

1. Insulted that you will flippantly promise to give away the title BFF so easily to complete strangers over the World Wide Web.

2. Never knew how ignorant you were about the Stones and should be glad a mess of pottage is all your title BFF is good for around here. Very sad landee. Especially after seeing the list of incredible songs--I do not believe that you really did not know any of them. Wow. Must be that urban legend about a GA sitting by Mick on a plane that prevents you subconsciously for embracing the genius.

3. Thanks for the updates, couldn't watch and now I feel like I was there--minus the lack of acknowledgement of the songs I love so much.

4. I will come back to vote later after watching youtube (I am going to say a public "thank you to AT&T for providing the vids even though your service sux" every week.)

StandsMom said...

Love the Dove. I'll vicariously enjoy that. I might be putting myself out here for an instant dislike from Flem, but I don't know the Stones and never really cared to know them. I HAVE heard some of those songs before. The Wild Horses song is from some movie.......I'm feeling teenage angst, a little bit of naughty...what was is??

For the first time I finally see that maybe DD has some real talent. I loved her emotion. I loved how she pushed her voice and never broke. I thought she had a 'moment.' I'm sitting up and listening now DD. Don't disappoint.

Casey is from Texas. No wonder he did himself some country last week. Duh! I wasn't crazy about his performance this week. Eh.

Kate+8 - hate her. Hated her. Will still hate her when she's gone. This is SO not her 'thing.'

After your comments, I have to go back and watch Andy again.

Sorry but I think Lucky Duck is a dweeb.

ColoringPaige needs another looksie too. I wasn't watching as much as I was listening and I HAVE to see that outfit. Now.

I also have to say that I finally see some talent in Archy2. He was actually pretty good and shows some massive potential. It may take him a few years to pull it all together, but I can definitely see it in there.

Dreads. Still love her. Still.

I'm withholding my vote until I go back and rewatch the couple I mentioned.

Jenny ESP said...

Starting the contest over?? Amy/Kimmy's gonna freak! But this will be good for you/solid gold, as you were dead last. Ahem.

If the contestants were, say, playing a game of statue maker... Casey would have won. He literally played his guitar with one hand, the other hanging limp at his side, like a lazy bone jones.

Shebang's tat is a man holding an umbrella. I texted you that, why you playin'?

After watching the recap, I loved Didi's haunting performance. She was feeling it, and the tune stayed in my head. Just the chorus.

Katie bugs me the most.

Agree with you, disagree with the judges, regarding Timmy.

ColorPaige sounds better with laryngitis.

I laughed uproariously throughout your entire review. I'm not gonna bother pointing out the high points, because you know. You know.

Now, as for my vote... this is gonna be a tough call, since most of them are terribly mediocre. It's between about 6-8 of them, but I'm gonna go with Andy Garcia. He took Mullet's place and then bombed.

Kim said...

::: rolling eyes, propping up feet, rewinding the DVR :::

I , for one, am shocked that I mostly agree with you. I told you taking notes would help.

Big Mike: Why hasn’t HE played the dead Mom card before this? I agree with Simon…”corny” is spot on. RT dances exactly like that on the boat just to annoy/embarrass/mortify his children. Srsly. But the boy can sing. Mike.. not RT…What the hair on that baby? Cutey patooty points. Surely there is some sort of scandal about this guy somewhere. But he’s SAFE

DubD: She forgot the words! That made me nervous.. and then shocked when Simon didn’t crucify her for it. The best part of it? That it didn’t sound like a Stones song. I too am an anti-fan of these ugly poster children for don’t do drugs. I was giggling during her “angry face” cuz it was like when you do your “innocent sweet” face. Incongruent and hilarious. Love her. Love her voice. Heart that her Mom doesn’t listen to the judges critique. I wouldn’t either. K that’s a lie but I’d get super mad if they were meanz to my baby. SAFE

Casey: yum. Doctors thought you were dain bramaged too fyi. By doctors I mean me. And it was a bad reaction to an immunization that caused him to have back to back seizures! Yeah..that’s not scary. That he hummed in his crib is awesome. That he said he’s the least talented in his awesome. That he smiles all the time during his performances…blame Simon. He kept bashing him for having no charisma .. he’s trying to compensate. I loved that Rye tried to keep the Ellen lezbo joke going and it stalled on him. I mean blonde joke. He’s totally SAFE tho.
BRB I need a sandwich

Kim said...

kback cuz we are out of ham. so Anyways...

Kate-8: How much prettier was she with long hurr did? Lotsa, that’s how much. Her Dolly Partonesque baby fake voice bugs. And srsly..what Ellen said…wtf are you doing sitting down just when the song is getting good? Weird. And SUPER lollerz when Kara said “I gotta agree with the guys” when she was talking about Randy and Ellen. IMO she’s SAFE tho. I’m not happy about it just so you know.

Andy: WHY could Simon not just let it go without mentioning freakin str8 UP!?!?!?! WHY??? That his Dad had to work extra jobs like at the tamale rapist stand outside Lowes to make ends meet was touching. That Randy said it was pitchy… well if it was anyone but Randy I might think I was pitchy deaf..but it was Randy. So I’m ignoring it. That Simon accused Kara of getting high the night before… I bet he’s right. I’m not a hundy percent sure here but I think he’s SAFE. I’m tempted to backspace tho…just so ya know.

Alzies: First of all I would HEART seeing Ellen in that hideous dress. The best part about this lame-o is her brothers college buddies. And I bet they are annoyed they have to support her. But like that they have an excuse to go hang out with the babes and play the supportive friend of a friend card. You know instead of saying “I’m not that familiar with the Stones” she wanted to say “they are icky”. She’s my least fave. So because you picked Colorbook I will go with picking her just because I want her to go home. I think that’s a good reason.

LuckyDuck: YOU, my dear sister, are the LUCKYduck for not having heard that song before. But man he made it sound awesome. I was on a catamaran in Maui with dolphins swimming along beside and the smell of Hawaiian tropic and Banana boat in the air. Ellen saying that it made her feel like she was on a beach with a pina colada enjoying a cool song and that bored her..makes me think Ellen is spoiled! Randy “didn’t get it” cuz he’s dum. SUPER SAFE

oh Moms calling, brb. sorry...she's still mad about Toddrick..

Jana said...

What about when Andy's dad talked the whole video segment, and his red-haired mother sat there and didn't say ONE word. That was my favorite part.

I vote- Kate+8. Gonzo!

Kim said...

kback again. False alarm. She was wondering if everyone was going to preshrink the fabric for the quilt block exchange.. so anyway ...

SheBoingBoings: Her Dad saying one of the kids was always “doing ahht” was adorable. But I think he’s slow. For realz slow not maybe slow like Casey. That scream was too long for my taste. But she rawked it. You couldn’t see that tat clearly on your tv? They focused on it when she was playing the piano at home and then they spun the camera around her four times and she was sleeveless during the performance! Were you watching it on your iPhone screen fhs? It’s def the grim reaper. SAFE

Flem: He could sing the phone book and I’d listen until he at least got to the M’s. Srsly. SO SO SO SAFE. Especially because he ignored Ryes lame 1-10 nerves question and talked about what HE wanted to mention. Ignoring Rye is always good.

Colorbook: As SOON as they showed her I for realz turned to RodTodd and went “uuuuhhhh boy…Tiffs not gonna like that outfit”. I love that they said the attendance is up at her church because people come to hear her sing. I’m willing to bet attendance is also up at yours. So people can gossip about your blog/facebook/twitter/xanga. And mock you/us/mostly you.
Archy2: His Aunt/Mom is UL AND can’t sing? She got dealt from the bottom of the deck. He’s totally copying Ellen’s hair and it’s totally working for him. His hands shake like he’s on intervention! I really liked it. SAFE

Dreads: I’m so mad that she made me stop h8ing her. She made it clear she didn’t think she had this competition wrapped up and also wore the feather in her dread in honor of Lilly. DANG HER! That is my fave Stones song too. Cuz of The Big Chill. And because the lyrics really speak to me. Cuz I’m deep like that. SAFE fer doyee.

So yeah. Put me down for Alzies going home. Out of principle.

P.s. before you say “get your own blog fhs” let me say “no” and point out that you said you welcomed opinions. And that I think it’s bush league that you aren’t counting last week’s points. Did you really think I’d just not mention that? Cheater.

Anna B said...

Holy Comments...

I'm gonna make this short and sweet
Kate+8. Why you ask? Because it's her time. I dunno?

Hot Pants said...

I wanna say LuckyDuck, but if his family is voting, then I bet they're keeping him in. So I'm voting for Kate+8, even though this starting a whole new contest just because you didn't get anything right last week is a bunch of crap.

Markie23 said...

Would you believe I forgot to watch this last night? Ya, just plain forgot. And I can't watch it tonight cuz I'm taking the wife dancing (eat your heart out ladies). So I watched about 30 seconds of each singer on YouTube today, 'cept for Casey - had to watch all of that - that is MY kind of music baby!
So based on the bits I heard (singing alone, without factoring in cuteness, sad background stories, etc.) immagonna cast my vote for LuckyDuck Tim Urban. I think the luck has finally run out for this mop-headed Catholic.

Markie23 said...

^^ But if I'm wrong we can just start the contest over again next week right? Thanks love.

Kim said...

Put RodTodd down for Andy Garcia. We are driving or I'd make HIM get an ID on here and say that crap himself. srsly. I backspaced for a reason! His reasoning "I just don't think he's done very well compared to everyone else and he's going backwards. My boy Timmy Urban is getting better every week". So. Yeah put him down for Andy.

eekareek said...

I am voting for Kate+8. Now I gotta go watch the show.

Landee said...

You gize are such smart As about this freaking contest starting over. I mean srsly. Do you think I even WANT to win my own contest? I don't.

It just makes sense to start it with the Top 12 and you know it.

Flem, I do not feel bad about not liking The Stones. They are ugly. There isn't a cute Paul-type in the bunch. And Keef makes me dry heave. Plus, their music sux.

Kimi, getcher own blog, fhs. Jaykay. Then everyone would go read yours instead of mine so nm.

I am suddenly worried that ColoringPaige will get tons of sympathy votes for her laryngitis stuff. Dangit. I shoulda thought that through.

Memzy said...

Alzie's in gonzers. But I'm on vicodin so I shouldn't a hundy percent responsible right?

Kim said...

oh I have no doubt you don't care if you win the lame monetary prezzie for winning...but you want to win the bragging rights..ah gah un tee it! I know you. I've known you for awhile now. Weeks.

Kim said...

but ftr I want both. Especially the tangable prize. Cuz anything you make/pick out/order online and have shipped to me will be sentimental to me. ::: hugging my love wish hope peace candles my kids hated cuz they weren't really for them :::

cog said...


cog said...

StandsMom - movie was Fear