Wednesday, March 31, 2010

AI: Top 10 Slightly More than Mediocre Singers

R&B Week.  ::sigh::  and ::ugh::

I couldn't help but feel bad for Anoop tonight.  I mean, USHER as a mentor??  He woulda crapped his pants and never recovered.  Instead you've got Dreads and Casey and DoubleD who most likely couldn't name 5 Usher songs between them.  I couldn't either, mind you, but this isn't about me for once.

I can tell they are needing some way to fill the time as they shoot the breeze with Usher about his new lame album that is "droppin" here in the near future (Kramer vs. Kramer, was it?).  And srsly, what is with the shades in the theater?  Isn't that so cliche?  I do like his moves tho.  I likes me some Usher dancing.  He should be on SYTYCD.

"Through the Fire" by Chaka Khan

Oy vey.  What was that?  The high notes were atrocious.  She looked pained the entire performance.  Her outfit was hideous (even for her).  And then she copped a major tude when listening to the judges.  She glared at them and then sassed Simon.  But then the judges wouldn't stop yammering on & on & on.  Again, the producers were probably doing that one sign that means "waste some time."  And that following her backstage afterward with her slumped shoulders and dragging feet?  Not even that table of cut up fruit could cheer up our little Ally Sheedy tonight.  Or a hug from BigMike.

"Hold On I'm Comin'" by Sam & Dave

Smiley Smilerson.  I've decided smiling is what he does when he's nervous.  He can't help it I guess.  That and purse his lips.  I liked his performance.  My boys loved it.  I mean, there's really not anything to NOT like here.  I was glad to hear he will always play his guitar.  I don't want to see him without it.  The guitar distracts me from his manic smiling.

"Ready for Love" by India.Arie

After finally seeing The Blind Side this last week, I started to wonder if BigMike doesn't like to be called BigMike.  I shall now call him Michael with a slightly southern accent.  K, now WHY is Michael set up behind the judges?  I hate that little walkway thingy anyway.  They shouldn't even have it.  They need to get rid of that and those ridiculously dramatic stairs people like to sit on.  But, you know, he did a great job.  I have no issue with Michael's voice.  I just can't imagine liking any album he would put out at a later date.  Have I already said that??  Well, it's true.  The last thing I need is an album full of love ballads sung by a large man in a falsetto voice.   Plus, I just realized tonight that his wife reminds me of my crazy Zumba teacher.  Take that for what it's worth.

"What Becomes of the Broken Hearted" by Jimmy Ruffin

Her performance was boring.  It looked like she had taken a shower with a low pressure shower head.  BUT....what was that with Ryan?????   Craziness, I tell you.  It was the most entertaining part of her performance.  Him holding her hand.  Him asking her to explain why it was such an emotional song a million times in a million different ways.  Her saying "he (meaning Ryan) wants me to say him."  I mean, right?  Am I way off here or is there srsly something going on here?  This would totally blow my Ryan Is Gay theory and subsequently make me question everything else in my life, btw.  Someone do some googling and get back to me.

"Sweet Love" by Anita Baker

There had been some awkward Usher moments before his time with Tim, but this one was the worst. First of all, I guarantee our little Timmy has never been in love.  But he didn't want to seem like a complete loser in front of Usher so he had to lie and say he had been in love.  Then Usher made him sing to him as if he were the girl Tim was in love with.  None of this helped, btw, due to the fact that, as I said, Tim has never been in love and c'mon, you can't fake that.  So then he goes out there and is basically terrible as he turns this song into some kind of homage to Wham! as he sneaks around the stage.  Man, I love Ellen.  But he's cute & nice and Teflony which are all appealing attributes.

"Forever" by Chris Brown

He's bAAAaaaack!!!!!  Best song choice of the night str8 up, yo!  The string section in the audience was an interesting choice but I absolutely loved this.   Loved the performance.  Loved his suit.  And then I loved him saying "Be nice Mama" about 100x as she approached Simon there at the end.  Remember when she sat there like a deaf mute during his little family video?  Apparently she does speak and, as a bonus, needs to be reminded to be nice.  I like her.  

"Chain of Fools" by Aretha Franklin

Man I wish I had Alzheimer's right now so I could forget about her outfit.  It was like she had been playing dress up in her Mom's clothes and her Mom was a star on Jersey Shore.  Her front wedgie was making me cringe.  I couldn't concentrate.  Horrifying.  Her vocals?  Ok I guess but that outfit.... ::hiding under a blanket and going to my happy place::

 "Treat Her Like A Lady" by Cornelius Brothers

No, I had never heard that song before but I loved it.  I loved his performance, his swagger, his raspy voice, everything.  Definitely the best performance of the night as it made me completely forget about K8ee's outfit.  It's like he is growing up right before my very eyes.  And that comment Simon made about this night changing his life might have even made me a little teary. 

"Midnight Train to Georgia" by Gladys Knight and The Pips

Ok, no.  No on the piano.  No on the stilettos.  No on the prom dress & leggings.  No. NO.  NO!  If she's gonna wear all that crap then she better pick out her dreads too and flat iron her hair.  Simon was able to articulate what I had been thinking.  Don't let the stylists take over here.  Go back to your hippie clothes and flat shoes, Dreads.  This seems fake.  I did think she picked a great song though.  I loves me some Gladys Knight even if it is just because she's Mormon. 

 "Ain't No Sunshine" by Bill Withers

I realized last week that Aaron's "mom's" name is Kelly Kelly.  Whatisupwitdat?  Anyway, he obviously ignored Usher's advice to build on those "I knows" there in the middle.  He just sang them normally which fit in with his windbreaker he was sporting I suppose.   Who told him to wear a hoodie out there?  I gotta admit, at this point I was tired & not taking notes anymore so all I can say is that I guess I agree with Kara here.  I liked it ::shrug::

This week is gonna be huge for the picking of the bottom three and the one to go home.  I think it could be several people obvious standouts for suckiest. 

 My picks are as follows:

 Bottom Three: Tim, Alzies and Shazaaam
 Going Home: Alzies

::biting knuckle::  I don't knoooooow you gize!!!!  So nervous.  Make your picks and may the odds be ever in your favor. 


michelangelo said...

actually watched this week. all 2 hours. why does it have to be 2 hours when i don't have dvr?

i thought about posting my voted to fb last night so i could claim not to be influenced by anyone's votes. too late. and now i'm picking the same losers as landee.

hated shoshone-bannock. she was so bad. tim was awful. alzy's was marginal. i pick tim to go home.

ps. i know the judges loved big mike's performance, but i wasn't feeling it.

Markie23 said...

Casey & Lee... AWESOME! My kind of songs, my kind of singing.
Big Mike - I prbly wouldn't buy his CD's either, but man, that guy can sing!
Dreads - agreed.
DoubleD - right? Weeerd.
Archy 2.0 - The only similarity I see with DA is age. This kid is nowhere near the same league vocally as 'lil Davey A.
Timmy - "sneaking into a bedroom" Hilarious!

Bottom three - Shabang, DoubleD, Timmy, Archy 2.0.
Oh crud... that's four. Uhmm. Hmmmm, Uhhhh... DANGIT.
OK, Imonna say Shabang gets another week.
So that's DD,TU,&A2.0
Going home - Timmy - final answer.

Princess Kimi said...

This makes me sick. I changed my mind like 5 times already. I'm staring to chaff.
Shivvbon: guilded the lilly. Bad.
Casey: Made me giggle hard like when someone giggles during the prayer and then it catches on.. when he started giggling at himself for forgetting the words in front of Usher. First time I've ever been mad at Ellen. WTF was she watching? He PWNED it dood.
Big Mike: ::: yawn ::: he did good. But does zero for me. And it's not cuz he's black freelz.
Didi: what the golden dream barbie? She sucked. <----pains me to type that. AND DID YOU NOT SEE THOSE FREAKIN BATS IN BOTH CAVES? Where were the boogie police fhs? Loved how she was trying to get her hand free from Ryans. Awkward.

Princess Kimi said...

Timmy: creeped me out lookin at the camera like he was gonna creepers out of it like the girl in The Ring. He blew. Srsly I was like WTF when he sang the I KNOWS boring. Usher was prolly pizzed.
Andrew: WHEW. finally. Can someone ask Flem what his Mom said tho? I hope it was cussy.
Katie: They gave her that outfit out of the stash they were saving for Paige. She rawks the Bump-it. She didn't suck but I still hit "unlike".
brb again (I want you to feel super popular)

Princess Kimi said...

Lee: Wow. Super Wow for doing that with walking pneumonia, right? He is so adorably humble. When Simon said that bit about him going back and watching it/life changing.. I got chills.
Crystal: The backup singers by the piano made me LOLLERZ! It was like an SNL skit. Srsly. She needs the guitar back. Agreed. But she's got the golden pipes.
Aaron: what the pee wee herman hair? Oh wait. He's the one that ignored Usher. yeah. He's fine tho.

My Picks:
Bottom Three: Didi, Siobhan and Timmy
going home: Timmy

I hope I'm wrong. FTR

Jana said...

I'm barely getting her name pronounced ShiVon with a V??? What the spelling?

Ryan was trying to get her to say she's emotional cause her friend died...that was SO awkward.

Bottom three-
DoubleD, Alzies, and Timmy.
Gonzo: Alz

Carol said...

Just so you know--I am commenting BEFORE I read your blog or comments so you know my opinions are my own :)
Bottom 3--DD, Siabhon, Tim and Aaron must also be listed. (for point purposes you can count my first 3) Going home--has to be DD.

Carol said...

P.S. Lee--best performance of the night. Loved it and would buy his music.

cog said...

Yo, yo, yo, whaddup, yo. Listen up dawg. Listen up, listen up. Listen. Bottom three:

Shebangs - man, that was P-I-T-C-H-Y all over the place. Fuh. And what wuz UP with the steel gray soccer shin guards? What, is she leaving for the world cup right after the show, fhs? Her singing sucked, her outfit sucked, she sucked.

DoubleDD - weird song choice. Just did not do it for me. Looked and sounded like a stray cat left outside all night during a downpour in an abandoned Forks trailer park. Unfortunately, she's in the bottom three this week.

Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy. I love your teeth man, but man, that was freeking bore-ing. And what's with those silly funk moves? Have you NEVER been to a stake dance, boy? Sheesh!

Final verdict? Kimi nailed it. Timmy the lucky duck is gone - gone with the know what, I'm not even going to say it.

Flem said...

Tim is going home.

The little Katie girl will be in the bottom three and so will that little Aaron Kelly guy.

I was going to say that Didi could go home but then I decided no since people want to see what happens with her and Ryan who I think are going to announce an engagement coming up soon.

So... Lee was phenom and I can't believe you never heard of Treat Her Like A lady. I love that guy.

Memzy said...

I haven't watched it yet. But based on my AI intuition, and the fortune cookie from dinner last night:

Showbang, DoubleD and Timmy are bottom 3.

Timmy is hasta la vista.

cog said...

Treat Her Like a Lady - isn't that an Aerosmith song? Ba-na, ba-na-na, Treat her like a laydeee, Ba-na, ba-na-na, Treat her like a laydee...

Princess Kimi said...

um. Who is cog? They are pritty smart whoever they are.
Agreeing with me and whatnot.

Anna B said...

I'm totally going to go with my gut here.

Bottom 3:
Double D

Going home...Timmy

solidgold (a.k.a. our family) said...

This is a really hard pick bc there's so many AI's who sucked last night.
Bottom Tres:
Didi (cuz seriously. America's done with the tears)
Timmy's going home. UNLESS, the VFTW fans came through.

Hot Pants said...

K, my bottom three are: Timmy, Sheebone, and Alz. And I'm thinking Sheebone is gone, gone with the gonorrhea.

Princess Kimi said...

um. I'd say "I don't mean to be a PITA.but.." but I do mean to.

Usually like by about now you have posted who everyone has voted for. This site has got a case of the lazies. OH speaking of Lazy-makers were you not going "YAY" outloud when you saw Sue Sylvester in the audience? She was all cheerin for Crystal. Yeah. Awesome. ::: making C with my hand :::

Landee said...

I was JUST making a whole new post ya bratski! An entirely new post is the OPPOSITE of lazy-making. It's practically exercise.

StandsMom said...

Ok. I haven't watched all of last night's show cause when BigMike started singing yet another ballad, I got annoyed and shut it off. This srsly is one of the worst seasons of AI. Then...I read Landee's post this morning before anyone had commented and I still haven't read any of the comments. I'm packing to leave town, y'all. WY here I come. I know your SO jealous.

I thought, in what I watched last night, that Kara looked pizzed. Just pizzed off at everything. Was she? Even wondered if she wasn't annoyed with Ellen. Hm.

So...I voted as a shot in the dark. I guess we'll see what happens.